PODCAST EPISODE № 31

You Deserve to Be Happy No Matter What

by Anita Charlot

Listen to You Deserve to Be Happy No Matter What:

As a woman on a mission with goals, dreams, and a long list of things that you want to get accomplished, you often sacrifice your happiness for the sake of others.

And if you happen to be a Black woman you feel this need to put yourself last more often than not.

What I want you to know is that you deserve to be happy, no matter what your circumstances.

No matter where you find yourself along your journey, no matter how long the road ahead of you may seem, you can be happy along the way.

See you inside the episode.

Have you taken my free video training, “Can He Handle Your Grind?” Girl, what are you waiting for? It is not just for single women; it’s also for women already in a relationship or married. Click here to access the training. Once inside, you will understand why you can’t seem to attract the right one, how you woke up one day and realized you married the wrong one and what you can do about it.

What You Learn:

How happiness is a choice and how to begin to view it that way
That money does not equal happiness
If your purpose is to be happy in business and in love, you will need a support system
You deserve to be happy no matter what your circumstance!

Featured on the Show:

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Episode Transcript

Hey, there beautiful. First, I want to tell you that I’m so happy that you’re here. That something inside of you clicked on this episode, because either you are subscribed to it, or there was a feeling inside of you that allowed you to accept the fact that you too deserve to be happy.

No matter how you got here, I’m so happy that I get to spend this time with you.

How do I know that you deserve to be happy? Because during all of those years when I suffered in silence at the hands of others, both personally and professionally, I still managed to find moments of happiness.

Listen, I can hear you say, ‘how in the hell am I supposed to be happy when life is falling apart?’ I know, I know.

It sounds cliche, but happiness is a choice.

Here, let me share the story with you.

I once traveled with a friend of mine to Chihuahua, Mexico to go and pick up her nieces and nephews who were spending the summer with their relatives. Being a bit bougie, my friend warned me that her family was poor and that I should brace myself for eight days in poor condition. This meant no hot water, minimum variety of food, and no conveniences of a resort that most experienced when they think of Mexico.

Of course, being a single mom of two boys battling for child support, having to decide whether to pay for medicine or pay the cable bill, choosing Thursday nights as family fun nights where the kids could eat anything – that was an effort to get the kids to eat leftovers and save on groceries – I thought I understood the meaning of raw conditions.

Upon arriving in Texas, picking up the rental car, and driving to the border, I thought I had it all figured out. I could practice my Spanish, eat some authentic Mexican food, and take in the sights. Of course, I thought I was part Mexican because Mexican food is my ultimate favorite, so I had this whole list of things that I wanted to try.

When we arrived at the border, it was a completely different experience.

You see, I was traveling with two Mexican women. At the border patrol, we had to go inside to declare our packages. We were bringing clothes for their family from the US. I was told not to say a word and only the smile and let them do all of the talking.

After about two hours and paying the border agents a bribe of over $100 to let us take the packages in, we spent the next five hours driving through Mexico to get to their hometown of Chihuahua.

Her family lived in an industrial area. Factories abandoned buildings warehouses, etc lined the streets. The longer we drove the poorer the area became until we turned into what we would call here in the US a subdivision. The streets were made of red clay, the homes are made of cinder blocks. The roofs were sheet metal and the doors were single plywood.

We pulled up to the first home, which was the main location with children were staying and where her mother would stay while we were there. As I recall, there was a family of four staying there, three additional children, my friend’s family from the US, and now her mom. I don’t recall seeing the bedroom, only a living room, a bathroom, and a kitchen. And the bathroom door was another single plywood door with a string and a nail to keep it closed.

I walked in already having been prepped for this experience, but I had no idea what the reality will be.

In my head, I quickly compared their home and the number of occupants to the condo that I shared with my youngest son.

I immediately felt sorry for them.

I also feel guilty for ever complaining about what I had and didn’t have when they had so much less.

But here’s the kicker, they were so happy.

They did not complain, they gladly opened their home, and they were excited to put on a fashion show with the clothes that we took down for them. But they were the most hospitable people I had ever encountered.

After they were all settled, and I was introduced to the family, my friend and I left to go to her other aunt’s house who lived around the corner.

As we drove through the muddy streets, we passed several other homes made of cinder blocks with single plywood doors. We saw kids playing in the streets, stray dogs in the middle of the street, and other homes that look like they should be condemned, but they had lights on and laughter flowing through the windows.

Upon arriving at the aunt’s house, it was obvious that the aunt was a little more well off, and I’m using air quotes here, then the sister. Her home was bigger. It was a two-bedroom and it had a bathroom and a washing machine. The floors and all of the homes are made of cement. However, the shower initially had a red clay floor, but since Tia Lala was told how bougie I was, she had ceramic tiles put in so that I will feel more comfortable.

I can’t imagine how much that cost her just to make a guest comfortable who was only going to be there for like seven days. But this is how hospitable they were. She also paid for a tank of gas to heat the water for the shower during last day.

I didn’t ask for any of this, and it wasn’t like she could really afford it. But she did it without question. No expectation for me for anything, and just to be a great hostess.

During my time there, I saw what it was like to be completely content with what you have to not have a lot but to be rich and happy, family connections, and friends. We had the best time.

They fed me. Oh, wait a minute. I gotta tell you a story here.

Yes, they did feed me, and for the first couple of days, I was overstuffed. But let me tell you why.

So you know, here in America, we sit at the table, we have dinner, and when we’re done with dinner, we stay at the table, and we have dessert and we just talk. And we still do this at the dinner table, wherein Mexico, at least at my friend’s family’s home, if you’re still sitting at the table, means that you’re still hungry. And so my friend got up and moved, but I was still sitting at the table because there weren’t very many places to sit.

So I sat at the table. Well, the longer I sat at the table, the more they kept feeding me, and I was like, ‘oh my goodness.’ Now I felt bad because I knew that they didn’t have much, but the food kept coming. And I finally looked at my friend and I said to her in English, ‘I’m full.’ She’s like, ‘well, get up from the table.’ Like what do you mean, she’s like, ‘as long as you’re sitting there, they think that you’re still hungry.’ And of course, I didn’t want to waste the food, so I kept eating it.

So finally, I didn’t want to be rude, so I waited a couple of days before I said something to my friend, and then she finally told me. After that, I knew that I needed to get up as soon as I was done eating not only for me, but you know to help them save food as well.

They took my order for breakfast the night before. So we had dinner and breakfast at the aunt’s house and then I slept at Tia Lala’s house. So before we went to Tia Lala’s house after dinner, they asked me what do you want for breakfast.

Now, by day three, because I, you know, taking some Spanish classes in school, by day three, I knew what to ask for. And I knew what they were asking me. I could understand it and I could respond.

So my friend had already told me to bring a bottle of Frank’s Red Hot sauce. Now, why does she knows to tell me to bring that? Well, here in the US when we buy eggs from a store, the eggs are pasteurized. In Mexico, they were going straight into the backyard and getting them from a chicken, so they were going to taste different.

And Frank’s tastes good on everything.

I don’t know if you ever use Frank’s Red Hot Sauce. Let me tell you, it’s good on everything. So I brought my own bottle of red hot sauce. And so in the morning, I would have the same thing: I would have a cup of Cafe Con Leche, which is coffee with milk or cream, and then I would have scrambled eggs with cheese and then douse them with the red hot sauce. But they were very nice. They never complained. I never saw them go to the store, so maybe they did that while we were out or when we went to Tia Lala’s house, but they always had plenty, and they didn’t mind sharing.

Also, I had to be careful about what I made comments about. So if I said, ‘Oh, that’s nice,’ or I picked it up and I looked at it like it was really nice, they would give it to me.

So here it is, they didn’t have a whole lot, but they were willing to give. Give of their food, give of their home, give of their time, give of their resources, because it was just something that they did, and it was just normal for them.

This was like a spiritual experience for me. Right? I wrestled with feeling unworthy of all that I did have when comparing myself to what they had. You know, how can I be so ungrateful? What did I have to complain about? What would change when I got home? All of these things were running in my mind.

And so from that day forward, I began to see happiness as a choice.

I realized that we choose to be happy, even in the worst of our circumstances.

Now, they may not have seen their circumstances as bad or worse or anything, because in their neighborhood, this was just normal. But it was a spiritual experience for me, it was a spiritual awakening, and it made me really question my life.

You know, after you have lived through the experiences that I have you learn, and when you take two steps back to identify the lessons that those experiences are helping you to grow mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

Those that abused and misused you taught you how to stand up for yourself. 
Those that didn’t appreciate you taught you how to stand in your truth, and to advocate for yourself. 
Those that lied to you taught you how to identify the red flags and the next situation.

And if your purpose is to be happy in both business and in love, then you realize that there will be times when you needed someone else to help you, to support you and be there for you along the way.

If you are the only person in your head, and you’re constantly in your head trying to evaluate and reevaluate things, you’re going to get lost in there. And you’re not going to be able to see things objectively. So it always helps to have someone else to bounce things off of or to remind you of just how phenomenal you are and just how much you deserve to be happy no matter what your circumstances.

So you see, not only do you deserve to be happy, but you get to choose happiness for yourself.

There will be times when you may have to delay your happiness for another time just temporarily, but if you’re working towards that happiness, you will get the support you need to find your way.

That trip to Chihuahua Mexico meant everything to me, and it came at a time when I was feeling sorry for myself after a disappointing breakup. It was just what I needed to focus on what was really important in my life and to have the time away to recognize what I should be focusing on, instead of the pain that I was feeling.

Pain plays an important part in our lives, as does not feeling seen, appreciated, valued, loved, honored, and all of the other feel-good feelings. You will never be able to escape pain and discomfort in your entire life, but you can develop the tools to help you learn how to manage them when they arise with confidence and calm, all while being in command of your emotions.

And if you need help determining why you deserve to be happy, or how you can find happiness in the midst of your current professional or personal struggles, I’m here for you. I’ve had a lifetime of experience in this area and I’m willing to share my journey with you so that you can see what is possible for you in your own life.

Until the next episode!