PODCAST EPISODE № 71

Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Torri L. Fisher

by Anita Charlot

Listen to Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Torri L. Fisher:

Hello, beautiful! This week I am so excited to welcome our phenomenal guest, Torri L Fisher.

Torri is the author of Forget Me Not, A Caregiver’s Guide to Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease. In this episode, we break down why it is essential to take care of yourself while stepping into a caretaker role. We discuss Torri’s journey from IT to Alzheimer’s and dementia, and we also touch on some incredible resources for those who are stepping into a caretaking position or know of those who are.

Reach out to Torri by following the links below, and don’t forget to order her book on Amazon and take advantage of this major resource!

See you on the inside…

What You Learn:

Torri’s story and how she started in IT and ended up studying Alzheimer’s and dementia
Some important life tips and incredible resources for those in caretaking positions
That if you’re caring for other people around you, it is also incredibly important to take care of yourself!
Torri’s advice for you listening today and how you can reach out and connect with her!

Featured on the Show:

Learn more about Torri and her book Forget Me Not on her website!
Order Forget Me Not NOW on Amazon and take advantage of Torri’s Black Friday Deal from Nov 23-25!
Check out HFC – Hilarity for Charity and all of the resources they provide
Click here to learn more about AgingCare.com
Follow Torri on Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn
Learn more about how you can work directly with Anita
Love the show? Leave a review of the show on Apple Podcasts (click the link to find out how).
Follow me on Instagram!
Find me on Facebook!

Episode Transcript

Anita Charlot: 
Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of candid conversations with phenomenal women. I am here today with Tori L. Fisher. Let me tell you a little bit about this. So, you know, we talk about building relationships – I’m all about relationships – and I get a lot of people that, you know, connected to quite a few people on LinkedIn, been connected to a few people for years, and then I get people that come to me and say hey, I just looked over your page,  you do such great work! I would love to connect, and then I press the connect button, and then like all of a sudden I get this automated email that says this is what my company does. Let me know if you want to talk about it, and if I could be of…. 
You don’t even know me! You didn’t even ask, you know, you didn’t even look over the page and say, hey, my business can help you do this. I listened to this episode, you know, and this is what I can provide. No, it’s just like, let’s connect, and immediately you’re trying to sell me something. Well, Torri didn’t do that. So Torri and I have been connected on LinkedIn for years. I don’t know how we got connected, but we stay connected throughout the years, and then she happened to make a post one day about this wonderful book that she’s written called, Forget Me Not. And it is a book explaining, well, I’m not gonna tell you what the book was about, I’m gonna let her do that. But when I saw her post, I was like, Oh, my God, I’m going through that too, and then we connected.

So while we are connected, and we have been sending each other messages for years, when we did our podcast preview conversation that was the very first time that we connected face to face over Zoom, of course. But I gave you all of that to let you know that I’m still all about relationships. So even though Torri and I never met in person, we never worked together, we don’t even remember how we get connected, we still built an online relationship. 
So when I reached out, after I found out about the book, and I, you know, told her this, I would love to have you on the podcast, she was like, yes, it wasn’t a cold call. She knew me. I knew her, we had built an online friendship, which has now blossomed into an offline friendship. We just made plans to hang out. So now that I’ve given you all of our business I am going to, trust me, you are in for a treat. And as always, with these candid conversations, I think you learn more about me and my personal business than you would if we were working together. So I’m not sharing anything that I wouldn’t share with you in person, but do know that these are real conversations. We’re not making up stories. These are candid conversations with phenomenal women, and we are talking about real-life things. So with that, I’m going to be quiet now, and I’m going to introduce my guests today to Torri L. Fisher. And Torri, I’d like for you to tell, just introduce yourself, give us your zone of genius. Tell us about your book, and then we’ll get into the conversation.

Torri Fisher:
Absolutely. Well, first of all, Anita, everything you said was exactly spot on. I still to this day can’t remember how we got connected, but I do remember the quality of content you’re putting out. And whether it was relationships, whether it was trauma in the workplace, I just, I really respect the kind of information you’re putting out. And so when you reached out to me on LinkedIn, I gotta tell you, it was an easy, yes. Probably the easiest yes I’ve had in a long time, and I’m just so honored that you’ve given me a platform to talk about something that’s very important to me. 
So yes, so thank you very much, and to everyone out there, I just want to share, yes, my name is Torri Fisher. I’m originally from Columbus, Ohio, and I’ve lived in Chicago now for 11 or 12 years. I moved here by myself to have this major metropolitan experience, and, you know, I wasn’t married or didn’t have anything, any reason why I couldn’t move away. You know, I wanted to try something new, and I’ll get into it a little bit later, I now have the best roommate in the world. And I’m talking homemade biscuits, and she has this knack for cleaning that I’ll share with the group a little bit later, but my mom. She blessed me with saying yes when I invited her to come live with me around 2017 or so, 2016. And I gotta say even though she’s not about that winter life here in Chicago, she enjoys being close to me. So it’s a win-win situation, but yeah! 
So to your point, I wrote a book. And for everyone out there, it’s called Forget Me Not, a caregiver’s guide to early onset Alzheimer’s disease. So I’m very proud of it. It does stem from a major passion I have for the topic, and I feel like we’re gonna get into that here in more detail.

Anita:
Oh, we gonna get to it. We’re gonna get all up in it, girl. Let me tell you, so for those of you that know me, for those of you that have listened to previous candid conversations, you know that I am not that person. I get invites or suggestions for podcast guests all the time, and for me, it’s not about having people on random people that I have no connection with, that I don’t know anything about, people that have written books that want me to help them promote their books. If I don’t know you, if there isn’t something that you’re providing that is connecting with the soul of who I am and the podcast, then thank you for asking, but no. So when I reached out to Torri, one of the reasons why I wanted her to come on the podcast was because just like Torri, I have recently become – I’m not going to say caregiver because my mother doesn’t live with me, but I have become the executor of my mother’s affairs. Right? So my mom has dementia as well. It’s hard when people that you are used to being around even family members, right, that don’t have that day-to-day connection with your mom, it’s hard to know what to do to know where to go, to know how to support, there’s a lot that goes along with that. So we’re gonna get into that. I can tell you that this book, had I had this book been available 2020, in the summer of 2020, it would have really helped me on this journey. But I can also tell you that even though it’s been two years since I’ve been dealing with this, I found so much value in the book, even as a person who has been dealing with this for two years, so I can’t wait to get into it and share some things with you. But Torri now’s the time when we get all up in your business.

Torri:
Okay!

Anita:
So my mom currently lives in an assisted living facility I have, you know, my hands full. There’s an additional component which dictates that my mom lives in an assisted living facility because she needs, you know, around-the-clock care, but I cannot. How long was it from the time your mom moved in with you until the time you saw the changes, and you got the diagnosis of dementia? And how has your life changed as a result of that?

Torri:
Alright, we’re gonna get right into it. Okay, so this is an excellent question because there are so many facets to my answer. So let’s see, I would say it probably started in about 2008. I lived in Columbus, Ohio, and I had just gotten out of a relationship. So I had a single-family home all to myself, and my mom was kind of in the same situation where she was staying with some ladies from the church. She was renting a room from some church folks that she knew, and I said that doesn’t make sense. Why would you pay rent and live a half hour away from me across town, when we could just live together? So we actually started living together often on around 2008.

Anita:
Okay.

Torri:
In 2011, I made the decision to move to Chicago from Ohio, and I didn’t know anyone, you know, I wanted to make sure that I had a job waiting for me that I scoped out the neighborhoods, etc, etc. So, I lived in Chicago for several years by myself while my mom stayed in my home in Ohio. In conversation you know, everything seemed normal. I will say, my mom is really good at putting out a brave face, and so, what I did not know because she didn’t share it with me at the time was she was starting to feel, you know, I would say feelings of depression because she was there by herself. She was in this big old house by herself. I have brothers, and they live in other states. So it was around 2015-16 where I said, You know what? I’ve had my little metropolitan experience here in Chicago. Mom, why don’t you come move in, you know, come move here? I know you don’t like the snow, but at least we’ll be together. And that’s kind of where it started. So around 2017 or so, is where I’ll say, with us living together and having day-to-day interaction, that’s probably when I first noticed something going on. And it came in the form of her repeating herself, or asking me, you know, similar questions multiple times within a short time span, or just kind of forgetting. What’s the name of our favorite restaurant or, you know, doing this with snapping fingers, and so we kind of noticed that very shortly around then. So that was around 2017. I will say, it probably came to a head, and we made the decision to go get screened when we noticed she was having problems at work.

Anita:
Okay.

Torri: 
So she worked with computers, and she had clients, she had to upsell. So she had to use the computer systems to upsell, and she would forget her clients’ names. And that was kind of a personal touch that the company did. So she was feeling very self-conscious about that because she knows she prided herself in her work ethic. And it was one day where she called me from work, she worked at a different location at this time, something that was supposed to be a little less stressful, and she was crying. And she’s like, I need you to come get me, I can’t do this, I need you to come get me. So I went and got her, and she didn’t want to go home right away. So we just drove around, and we found an empty parking lot. And this was in… around 2018 at this time. So it was, I don’t know what’s going on with my brain. The young lady that was training me, you know, she would tell me something, and then I’d forget it. And then she was going so fast, and I was just getting anxious. Because my mother also has a little bit of anxiety, you know, and some other things. So, you know, we just kind of sat in the car and vented and let her cry it out, and I called her boss. And I said You know what, this is the situation. And I said, Mom, you don’t have to work. You know, you’re 65 or so. This was 2018, so she was 64. I said, why don’t we just go ahead and officially retire you so that way you can enjoy some downtime? And so that’s when we made the decision for her retire was that incident. And from there, we found medical professionals that specialized in neurology, and that’s when we got her diagnosis, that was 2018. And I will say one of the things that struck me as odd was when the doctors are diagnosing Alzheimer’s, it’s a high propensity for, very high likelihood of, it’s very hard to officially, definitively diagnose Alzheimer’s until the autopsy.

Anita:
Oh, wow.

Torri:
And the way that they kind of can say, Okay, this is more than likely Alzheimer’s, is they see changes in the brain, the size of the brain, you know, they establish a baseline, and then they evaluate the progression from there. So when we got that diagnosis is like, well, that makes sense because her mother had it.

Anita:
Oh, okay. Yeah. Wow, that’s interesting. I was like, whoa, wait a minute. They were able to, they were able to… My mom’s older than your mom. So right now my mom’s 89, and we didn’t have her tested until 2020. It was during, you know, the shutdown, right? But she had been like… so now my mom, the activities and the things that she says are nothing different than what she said before. It’s just a lot more. So my mom has… She has a very unique way of telling stories. We’ll just put it that way. So she’s always had that, right? So the change that I saw in her, it wasn’t that, you know, she would forget stuff. She would forget stuff all the time even like when I was younger, so there wasn’t anything new. She would get a little turned around or she would forget somebody’s name, that was nothing new, but what was starting to concern me was my mom was still driving at 85, right? And then when she would call me and say, How do I get home? Then I was like, Wait a minute. During the pandemic, during the shutdown, my mom is, she’s an extreme extrovert, right? Her thing is get up and drive, I go where I want to go, you don’t tell me what to do, you know, full of sass. But nobody was opening the door. When the pandemic hit, and they were telling everybody stay in your homes, she’d go visiting people. So my mom was going out driving, and people were calling me while my mom was knocking on their door ringing their bell saying why is your mom at my house? Right? I’m not letting her in. It’s a pandemic out there. So my mom went into this deep depression, and she was in a senior living building, but it was independent. I kept getting calls from the building saying your mom is so confused, and it was a woman in the building that told me, like the resident coordinator, she was like, I think you may want to have her checks for Alzheimer’s or for dementia. These are the things that I’m noticing. These are the signs, and they would call me. Your mom today, she’s very confused. Someone had to show her back to her room. But during that time, she wasn’t taking her medication. She wasn’t taking her blood pressure medication, I think because she was depressed. She wasn’t able to get out. So she was sulking. She wasn’t eating, so I had to have a nurse friend go by and make sure, you know, her blood pressure was okay. Eventually, my mom always handled her own affairs, she never wanted me in her business. Right? So for me to then try to tell her now we need to have you evaluated, I would get cursed out, and I’m just trying to help, you know. So eventually I got her to go, and what was determined was now when I talked to her doctor, this is what pissed me off, the doctor that she had at the time, they were giving her medication for dementia. I was like, how do you know that she has dementia? Did you do brain scans? You know, what have you done? They had given her a piece of paper with 10 questions on it, and she says something’s going on with her brain. So we know it’s dementia. How do you know it was dementia? 10 questions? No. And then they fought me because they didn’t want to approve on her insurance her going to see a neuropsychologist. I fought hard for this. Get to the neuro-psych evaluation. It’s a full day. Like eight hours, it took them. They did all different types of tests. I know that, I went through the test before my mom did. It was four hours for me because I’m thinking, I’m forgetting stuff. I must have it, right? Let me check myself out first so that I see what she has to go through. Eight hours, come back. Turns out she had been having small strokes in the short-term memory portion of her brain because of her blood pressure. So we don’t know how long that’s been that way, or every time her blood pressure goes up, you know, she’s really anxious. She has panic attacks, so that doesn’t help the blood pressure, right? So when you said that you can’t determine it until the autopsy. I was like, Wait a minute. My mom’s mother died young like in her 40s, so she doesn’t know if there was any dementia or, you know, that would have happened there. But knowing you know, going through all this battery of tests, it was determined that yes. But because it’s damaged, she can’t take medication. Yeah. That part of the brain is damaged, so she can’t take medication. So at that time, they told us she can no longer live by herself.

Torri:
Okay.

Anita:
Yeah. The guy across the hall was coming over because there was smoke coming out of her apartment. She had turned on the pan to cook, and then sat down and fell asleep. And so her living on our own was no longer a viable option. So knowing that, how did your mom take the diagnosis? I know how she did because I read the book, but how did your mom take the diagnosis, and what has that meant for the two of you living together while you’re still working full-time and caretaking? How does that work? How is that working?

Torri:
That’s a great question. So I will say, I want to touch on something that you just said, though, real quick. I think it’s absolutely valid and fair to have questions about, you know, the battery of testing that your mom received, and was it sufficient because a lot of us don’t know that, you know, there is actually a difference between, you know, aging, and Alzheimer’s, and I do talk about this in the book. But I would have to liken the difference to, and I would say, maybe this is a key for you to go in and get screened is, you and I, assuming we don’t have the Alzheimer’s diagnosis. We know we’re forgetting. We are aware that we’re forgetting something, and five minutes from now, we’ll remember that we forgot something. When you have an Alzheimer’s patient, they don’t know they’re forgetting. And that’s where you get the repetition and the, you know, the confusion. So I just thought it was interesting that you said, you know, a 10-question piece of paper because to me, it’s like you said, we had a battery of tests, you know, there were pictures that we’re drawing, right? Tell me what, you know, what color the thing was that we said five minutes ago. And then, of course, there are the CAT scans and the PET scans. So definitely appreciate that you stuck to your guns, and pushed that forward. But to get to your question, as far as my mom, my mom seems to be kind of the exact opposite of yours. And that’s actually one of the things that surprised me in becoming her caregiver. So when she got the diagnosis I would have to say, for the most part, she’s accepting of it. She’s accepting of it, with the caveat of, she doesn’t remember that she has a diagnosis and just constantly laments on, you know, what’s going on with her brain? What’s going on with her mind? As far as how she treats others, she’s not very social from an extrovert standpoint, but everyone who meets her loves her. She’s very sweet, very soft-spoken, and the only time she would utter cuss word is if you’re trying to hurt her children, basically.
Anita:
Yeah, they are total opposites.

Torri:
So for my mom, when she lived with me, she was already giving me deference. And I hated it. Like, you’re the mommy and I’m the daughter, right? I’m in my 40s. It’s like, you’re the mommy, you know? But I’ve since learned some strategies that I’ll talk about a little bit later. But so there was a lot of difference, a lot of permission seeking, a lot of feelings of, I don’t want to be a burden, I want to pull my weight, what can I do to help around the house or contribute to the household in some way? So that was kind of one of the biggest shifts that we had between way back in 2008 when we lived together and it was just like, we were roommates, the best of buds, to this loved one/caregiver relationship. So that relationship did change, and like your mom, my mom was driving up until the diagnosis. Now it’s my responsibility to get her wherever she needs to go. She’s very happy about that, she does not want to get behind the wheel. Yeah, but as far as working goes, I’m blessed with some great management. I really am. Earlier this year, we had a death in the family from cancer. And I shared that with my boss, and I’ll just be transparent, I shared it with him because I needed some time off, I needed to go back to Ohio and help take care of things. I will say, my boss made me feel so comfortable, and he shared something personal, you know, that his family was going through. And it’s like, if you need anything, you know, just let me know, as long as I know what’s going on, you know, take the time off that you need. And we just developed a really good relationship from an understanding, you know, as long as you get your work done, you know, take the time, you need to take care of your family. So I was already blessed with good management there. And then kind of a blessing and a curse, the pandemic introduced the 100% remote. So in 2020, I was going to work five days a week, during the pandemic, just like everyone else, you know, not special, just like everyone else, we were shut in. And it was during that time of, of being at home 24/7, you know, bless her heart, you know, our heads butted on occasion because we were sharing the same space, right. And that’s kind of the first time I learned what was going on with me. So, you know, I’m the daughter, I take care of my mom, you know, let’s help her get her groceries, let’s pay the bills. I wasn’t paying as much attention to myself, and I didn’t even know that was a thing until the pandemic. So I will say that there was a blessing in my family, and it came out of the pandemic, and that was just learning the true benefits and value of self-care and having someone to talk to.

Anita:
Right. My condolences for the recent loss of your family.
So, we’re talking a lot about 2020, the pandemic, and the shift that it costs for everybody. I think that year was the year from hell, but the best year ever, and like a blessing and a curse. First, it was a blessing because I had to work from home. I am a total introvert, it may not seem like it, but give me… Oh, I love… working from home is just amazing to me. When I was taking the train, the world is just too noisy for me, right? I get overstimulated on my way in. I gotta look over my shoulder, I was going to work in New York hours, so it was dark when I was leaving out. I’m trying to avoid the raccoons on the block, and it was just too much stress. By the time I get to work. I had to get there like an hour earlier so I could come down from all that. So working from home was a joy for me, and since I was working from home and I wasn’t spending all that time commuting, I decided that I was going to take this trauma-informed yoga training. Big mistake, best thing I ever did. So it was a big mistake because I was listening to someone else, and this person’s like, Oh no, I was like, Look, girl, I’m not in the space where I’m ready to unlock my trauma. I don’t want to do that. She’s like, it’s not gonna be that. You’re gonna learn about trauma, you’re gonna learn about this and that, and you’re gonna learn how to, you know, if you ever want to do yoga with your clients, you know, how to handle, you know, people who have trauma in their lives, you know, don’t touch them, this and that. What to say, what not to say, I was like, oh, okay, I can do that. Right? Sitting at my desk, I can do that. No girl. We talked all about the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous system. We learned all about the different traumas, childhood trauma. We learned about, you know, caregiver, you know, being a caregiver, and with it compassion fatigue, we learned about all that. Well, all of the stuff that had happened in my past that I had put a nice… put inside a treasure chest and locked it right, and then put a big old chain around it and locked that, another chain and locked that, all of that came on open because I’m not a person to do something half-assed so I’m gonna go in this class, I’m gonna be in this class, if I’m learning how to be there for other people, then I need to pay attention, and I need to do the work that I’m expecting them to do. That ripped the band-aid, the concussion wrap, everything, the cast off a lot of my trauma. And then my mom and her dementia kicks up. This is before she got diagnosed. So I went because I was forgetting things I have like a multitude of lists, I normally function with like four journals. Everything has to be graph paper and color-coded. I got orange markers, yellow markers, I got the pages flipped back, everything has a reason. But I just couldn’t pull it all together. So I was like, oh my goodness, do I have dementia? When I went to talk to the neuro-psych, I was telling her about my day. I explained to her the things about my mom, how my mom was calling seven, eight times a day, I was afraid not to answer the phone because she could be lost, you know, somewhere on the highway, she could be in an uproar because she thinks somebody stole something but she actually hid it thinking that somebody was gonna steal it, now she can’t remember that she hid it or where she hid it. So all of that was going on. So I sit through this test, for four and a half hours, give myself a migraine because I’m trying to figure out the test while I’m taking the test. And then we get back together and she says, we did a video, you know, review of the test results. She says, Well, the good thing is you there is nothing wrong with your brain physically or cognitively. You’re just doing too much.

Torri:
Okay.

Anita:
You’re doing too much, and your mother is a trigger. Every time the phone rings, and you see it’s your mother’s phone number, everything shuts down because you panic, you wondering if she’s okay. She was like, you’re going to need to get your mother tested because I believe your mother has dementia. So I need you to stop, you know, make sure that you know, you have her tested, and then you make the decision that is right for you and your family. So that you know you’re not constantly triggered eight, or nine times a day, right? So I go through this testing, you know, have that review, put her through that. So now I’m fighting her, right she’s fighting me, I’m not fighting her. She’s fighting me because I’m lying, the neuropsychologist is lying, and the eight hours’ worth of testing that she took was a lie. There’s nothing wrong with her. Nothing wrong with her memory. It’s just her brain. It’s not her memory. It’s her brain. So, I had to fight through this. So that whole time she went… she moved on July 15 of that year, and it’s taken almost a year and a half for her to get to a place where she’s starting to get comfortable. But it took me a minute to stop feeling guilty for having to put her in a facility that could provide her with 24-hour care that could regulate her meds, right? I have to go over there and put 9-10 vitamins and pills and boxes, and if she forgets, she didn’t take this day, or she could get into this one this day. It was just a lot for one person to handle. Now all of her meds, vitamins included, go through the health care management that they have at the building. They come in packets, take these in the morning, and these at night. So it’s like oh my god, it’s a relief. But the guilt that happens, right, with the struggle when they’re not as, you know, amenable to it as your mom was when you don’t have that sisterly bond, you know before things happen, and you’re used to bumping heads from day one, it just gets a lot worse. So having great management is key. Oh my goodness, like how could you do what you do if you didn’t have management that was?

Torri:
Absolutely. And quite honestly, I will say something else. I’m 47, so that’s the generation I’m in. I’m African American, and I am not saying anything that should be a surprise to anyone out there, but our community tends to shy away from any kind of mental health coaching, you know, and psychiatry and psychology and all that stuff. And all of our problems can be solved through the church. Prior, and I will say it’s not that I thought that, I just… It never occurred to me that what I was experiencing, you know, was something that could be fixable. I just thought I was stressed or tired, but I will say those feelings of, like you said, feelings of guilt, feelings of some sort of negativity. Like I love my mom to pieces, Lord knows it, but I’ve caught myself being a little short in my answers out of frustration with the disease, right? And we have a good enough relationship where I’ll apologize and let her know Mommy, I don’t have a problem with you, you’re doing fine. I hate the disease, and I hate that you have to go through this, you know, so we break it down like that. But I will say, probably one of the biggest things that saved me personally, was one of our benefits through work was mental health coaching. And that was mainly because of the pandemic. People need someone to talk to because they’re locked away in their home offices with screaming children and pets with no outside stimulus. So they had a program where I’m like, let me just go ahead and, you know, and it was six months of just talking to someone. Now, if my best friend hears this, she might be a little mad at me, but there’s something very therapeutic, hence the whole reason that they’re so successful, of talking to a stranger…

Anita:
Absolutely.

Torri: 
…that knows nothing about you or your situation. They’re hearing with a fresh mindset, fresh ears, clean pallet, and you don’t have to worry about judgment or, girl, you know what to do. You got this. I don’t want to hear that.

Anita:
Right? You’re so strong. You’re always the strong one.

Torri:
Yeah. So nothing against my girls, my best friend, or anything, it’s just having that person to talk to really helps alleviate what I was feeling within myself so that I could be more patient wasn’t my mom.

Anita:
Yeah. I totally agree and understand. I can tell you in 2020, I had 2.5 therapists. So point five was the instructor of the trauma course that I was taking because we had to do weekly check-ins. It was a 10-week course, normally, it would have been over a weekend, but I think if you don’t want to tap into your trauma, doing it in a weekend is great. If you really want to tap into your trauma and be authentic in your care for other beings, then the 10 weeks is more like it. So we have to check in every week. And you know, for those that are listening to this that you just don’t know who I am, I am an African American woman, I’m a Black woman, okay. And my trauma teacher was White, and my Talkspace therapist, which the job had offered, she was Middle Eastern. And then my somatic experience practitioner was Caucasian. So when I decide that I’m going to tackle something, I am going to hit it from every angle. We’ve opened this box, everybody get on in here, I had a care team, we all gonna get in here. We’re all gonna tackle this, you’re going to work on it, you’re going to work on that. That’s why I said it was the worst year and the best year because my Talkspace therapist was there when I just needed to vent. I could leave her voicemail and be just as nasty – I call it funk-nasty-’tudenal, have a funky, nasty attitude. I was letting go, you know, on my voicemail. She would hear it, and she would know exactly what I was thinking. So when she was working, she would respond, or when we got to talk on the phone, you know, we would talk about it, and like you said, it was great to talk to a stranger. It was also great for me at the same time, as you know, I’m all about metaphysics, I had an energy drawing done. And this person did the energy drawing, and there were all these beautiful colors, nice colors, and all this gold, and it was coming in, and it would come to my head, but then the beams would go out of my arms, and out of my legs. There was nothing in my torso, and so when she explained what was going on. She said, you have all of this love, you’re receiving all of this information, you can read other people’s energy, you can tell what other people need. You’re giving it all away. You’re not giving any to yourself. So that whole torso that was empty, she was like, something has happened with you where you have shut down. It’s like, you know when you get hurt, you put that protector up. So all of my chakras that would have been opened for me to receive love and to receive compassion and support were closed. And that was by design. I did that intentionally because of my past, I learned how to do it very well, because of my military training, you can’t have feelings when it’s a life-or-death situation. So with all of the trauma that I had experienced, it was a life-or-death situation. So I had to put that wall up. So the somatic experienced practitioner helped me to learn how to feel my emotions in my body again, right? So if I were to do another energy drawing, now there will be colors flowing through because those chakras have been opened, and now I can identify. And because of the somatic experience practitioner, the Talkspace therapist, and this trauma, I’ll call her my trauma coach, through this course, I have now been able to identify what’s happening, where I’m feeling in my body. I don’t have as many migraines, as I used to have, you know, I don’t have as many chest pains, and I don’t get upset stomach as much, just all the physical things that come with holding on to the trauma, I don’t have those anymore. So that was the best thing that could have happened, and one day I’ll either write a book about it, or I’ll create a video or something, but this is what I’m going to call it:  A Woman, A Yorkie, and A Bourbon Walk Into a Garage. I had my mental break in my garage sitting inside my truck with my Yorkie and my bourbon. I think I cried for like three hours, but it was all of the stress of not being able to help my mom, you know, not knowing what to do, taking the brunt of all of her anger, right? Because I’m the punching bag, but then I’m not supposed to punch back, right? I’m not supposed to say anything back. I’m just supposed to take it. So I had to learn with the help of my coaches, you know, and my therapist, I had to learn how to how to stand in my power and set boundaries, even with my mom who has dementia, there are still boundaries. Because as you and I discussed before I got on a call, my mom has several mental challenges before the dementia, and so I grew up with those. So I have all of that that I’m holding on to. Now I’m the caregiver, and now I’m supposed to…? Oh, no, no, ma’am. We got to figure this out. And so finding a balance, right, finding that balance between what you need, for me what I need, so that we can still show up and be and be a safe space for our moms is so important. Right? It’s so important, and you talk about a lot of those resources in your book and the ways that, you know, people can take care of themselves, but that you can also connect with your loved one so that they don’t feel like they’re a burden, or they feel like they are still participating in their lives versus having someone else take their lives over.

Torri:
I will say… Can I just drop a few little tips about that?

Anita:
Absolutely.

Torri:
Because there are changes in my own behavior that I had to, I had to adapt to our new reality. And if anyone knew me, you know, let’s say five years ago, bubbly, goofy, you know, inquisitive, you know, that’s how they would describe me. Now, I think people would describe me as driven, maternal, leader, but just because I have a sense of purpose, and I have a, you know, a drive to get something done. Whether it’s getting my mom to her appointment on time or doing the research to understand, you know, what we’re dealing with now, you know, what’s this new thing that we’re dealing with? Or whether it’s school, I mean, that’s honestly, it was when I went to Temple University online, to get my Master of Science. But it was for work, it was for digital innovation and marketing. I found a way to make my coursework about eldercare, and that’s how this whole journey for the book started, but I digress. I wanted to tell you that one of the big surprises I had to learn about myself and just about how I had to change my behavior was I’m also very, I’m not a very patient person, I can be, you know, a little… I’m not type A, but I, you know, want to get to the next thing. I can see the picture clearly, now I want to get to the next thing, and my mom is very slow and deliberate. And now with the diagnosis, she’s rethinking and processing, you know, trying to do it on her own. So I had to learn to slow down. Whether it was in the way that I’m speaking to her, even just walking and getting from point A to point B. I’m not so concerned with who’s around me because I can protect myself, but if my mom was with me, she’s anxious because we’re in an unfamiliar area. So I am slowing down so she can take in everything that’s around her and develop her own comfort level. So that was one of the big things I learned about myself, I will also say, because I’m a big sister, and I’m used to taking care of them. And I’m the oldest in my girl group. So I can act a little big sisterly towards them, is not to be assumptive or correct my mom, if she makes a mistake due to the Alzheimer’s. So yeah, I remember this neighborhood. I remember this. This is we’ve been here before. And in my head, I’m thinking, No, we haven’t. Let it go. Because it’s not hurting anybody. She’s having a moment. If you’re taking joy in that moment, just let her have it. And I had to really, really, really break bad habits within myself to just let that happen. versus wanting it to be accurate and correct. You know, so…

Anita:
We are the same person because I can promise you in the beginning, it was not. I too am that person, like I’m very solutions-oriented. I wouldn’t, well, maybe I am type A, but everything that I do because I do just so many things, everything has its place, right? This is the time that I’ve allotted to do this. This is the time that I’ve allotted to do that. And then when we would get together, and she was like, Well, I’ve never been here before, and I’m like, Well, mom, yes, we have. And she’s just like well, no, I’ve never – don’t tell me I’ve been here before! And I’m like, oh my god, Are we seriously gonna argue about this? And then we get inside give it 15 or 20 minutes, Oh, yeah. I’ve been here before, but now you’ve cussed me out between the highway and actually getting into the restaurant. Now I don’t even want to eat. I don’t even want to eat because you’ve cussed me out. Right? I don’t understand. I can’t believe you’re talking to me like this. Oh, my God. And then we get in 15 minutes later. It’s like, oh, yeah, I remember because the waitress said, and I’m like, yeah, yeah. But I’m just so exhausted. So I had to within myself, right? And there was a there’s an online community at AgingCare.com, I had to find people that knew of that experience, what I experienced, right? It’s AgingCare.com, and then they have like a chat group. So you log in, and I would say, you know, I would tell them, This is what I’m dealing with. And then you have people come back and say, it’s going to be okay, right? This is part of the process. And then I was struggling with you know, I knew that she needed to be in a facility, but I was having guilt around it. And there were people saying, if you know, your mom needs to be in a facility, the best thing for you and for her is to put her in a facility because if you bring her home, and they were saying I wish I had not brought my mom home, I’ll go, I love my mom, it ruined my marriage. It ruined my relationship with my kids. Now I’m, you know, single, don’t do it. If you have the ability to put her in a place where you know, she’s being taken care of, and you’re not just going to forget about her and leave her there, then that’s the best thing. So if it wasn’t for my 2.5 and my AgingCare.com, it would have been a challenge. Now, sometimes people in your personal space, think that they’re helping by telling you things like, well, that’s just the way it is. You’re gonna have to get used to it. And it’s like, you don’t understand. Maybe that’s the truth, but right now, that’s not what I want to hear. How can you support me through this? So it’s very challenging on the caregiver, and then now understanding compassion fatigue, right? It’s like, wow, yes, I recognize that I do have compassion fatigue. It’s where you’re consistently so busy giving and giving and giving to a particular person or a particular thing, that you’re now not looking out for yourself, and then you get to a point where you’re like, you know what, I’ve been dealing with this, and I’ve been helping you with this for so long, I can’t do it anymore, right. So you get to that point where you’ve completely just exhausted all of your patience, all of your care, and to other people, it may look like you don’t care, but you finally got to the point where instead of taking care of yourself along the way and setting boundaries along the way, now you’re at a point where you’re just like, That’s it, I’m done. I can’t. And there were a lot of people on the site to AgingCare.com, there were people who were telling them to set boundaries, and you know, how to set boundaries. And if you’re dealing with like a parent, there were a lot of people that were dealing with parents that were narcissistic, prior to the dementia, and so just learning how to deal with a parent and a narcissistic parent. And then I’m just understanding that and understanding dimension. So there was a lot of information that I got from these people, and if it wasn’t for them, I don’t know that I would end the 2.5. Like I told you, I had a whole care team. So I had this whole website, and then I had these 2.5 people helping me move through it. But at the same time, like you said, you have your own, and we had a challenging relationship prior. So I had to work through my own stuff at the same time, I was helping her to work through hers. So I have in the past two years, I have grown tremendously. So I have more compassion, and I have more patience now. I don’t fly, you know, I don’t get angry, I recognize that it’s not her, that it’s a disease, but that took a while. So I just wanted, you know, to be the voice for those that probably didn’t have such a great relationship before or those that had a parent that had mental challenges prior to the dementia, and this has just made it worse. There is a way that you can grow through that, right, and a way that you can, you can make it… I don’t want to say enjoyable, but bearable for you, and for the both of you and even enjoyable for that period. Because my mom now, like I never watched TV on the phone with her before, but that brings her joy. That’s the biggest highlight of the week. Right? I hate sitting there doing it. That’s not my thing, but I know that it’s something that she enjoys. And it’s something that we can do separately from each other in different houses. And so it means the world to her. Okay, so we do that.

Torri:
I love that. And you know, you mentioned the AgingCare.com I had to make a note to myself because I’m always learning about new things. Yeah, I will say that while the diagnosis happened in 2018, I didn’t call myself a caregiver then. I didn’t know what that was. It was just my mom, she lived with me, and I had to do some things for her. That’s what it was back then, but it reminded me that one of the best resources I came across is called HFC. That’s Hilarity for Charity, and it was it’s an organization specifically for caregivers, and it was founded by Seth Rogen and his wife. And the reason I’m bringing this up is because if there’s anyone else on the line right now, who is at the very start of your journey, obviously, the book gives you a nice head start and some resources and some things you should look at, but also connect with HFC because every year they celebrate the, you know, annual caregiving day, and they have a ton of eldercare resources, whether it’s for the loved one or for you, and I’ve just learned so much just attending some of their events, and they have grants. They have a grant program too. So I thought it was worth mentioning because yeah, there’s there are more resources out there. We just have to know where to look, right?

Anita:
Yeah, that’s amazing. I never would have known that, and I’ve been dealing with this now for…

Torri:
He’s a funny guy. Who would have thought he has this side to him, but yeah, it’s because one of their parents had it. So…

Anita:
But isn’t that isn’t that how, like, that’s how it started for you, right? You were taking care of your mom, and then that, like you said, you were in school, and because of you taking care of your mom, it made you interested in eldercare. I think our life and our life experiences kind of dictate the route that we go, right? Initially, I was talking about relationships because my first marriage was a violent situation, right? And then I switched the focus of my business from dating, relationships and marriage, although what I do now will encompass that too. But now the focus is helping, you know, Black women or Black and Brown women heal from corporate trauma, increase their confidence, improve their leadership skills, and teaching White allies how to activate their privilege. So that was born out of 2020. Right, and I had no idea that my business, my life, everything would do a complete change after having tapped into my own trauma, and then consistently doing this personal development to recognize that some of this trauma is not mine, right? It didn’t come from my childhood, it didn’t come from my family, it came from work, the work environment, and how many of us deal with that. And so that was one experience in particular, that led me down this path, and talked about it in a previous episode. But this is where we are, right? And we do these things because of our life experiences. So you writing this book, us connecting? Definitely, something that I’m grateful for, again, you know, while our paths are different to get to this point in our lives, I think what we can do together, right, in helping to bring awareness to this and provide other people who are going through this, the resources, the Hilarity for Charity thing, you know, all of the resources that you mentioned in your book, including, and I never thought about this, you even talked about the need for immediate insurance, like if someone’s whole life insurances, you know, ran out, or they outlive their insurance, or I was like, Oh my God, who knew I had no idea that that was even a thing. And then the trials, the clinical trials, and I was listening because I was listening to your book via audio, and I was listening to all the questions. Okay, when you go to inquire about these trials, these are the questions that you ask/ I was like, Oh, my God, that right there is golden! Right, just having that list. And then you say most of these things are included in the document that you have to sign if you’re going to take part in the trial, but things that I never even thought about, right? Because sometimes when we’re so caught up in, I want something to work, if you have something new, let’s try that, you mentioned, is there a long-term care plan after this? How is this going to affect me? How is this going to affect you know, the quality of life, and I was like, oh my god, I never would have thought about it. So it’s not a very big book, like thick book, but it is so full of such good information. Great questions, great resources. I love your personal stories. I feel like reading or listening because I was listening to the audiobook, but it’s like storytime. Storytime. Storytime!

Torri:
That’s what I was going for. Yes!

Anita:
Oh, storytime, and so just it was very personable. For those of you that are listening, even if you do not have someone in your life right now, that is going through this, if you are a leader, I think if you are a manager, a C-suite, any sort of leader, the owner of a business, I think it is your duty to understand how to be there for your employees when they need you to be, right? Because a lot of times people look to their managers as leaders, but if that manager doesn’t know, hasn’t had that experience, hasn’t bothered to learn what other people may be going through, this includes you know, not just Alzheimer’s or dementia, but it also includes, like understanding the culture of the people that work under you. Right, as a manager who is not Black, how can you really understand the possible life that your employees have lived if you don’t put yourself in a situation if you don’t ask the right questions? Don’t let me put my DEI hat on, girl, I don’t even want to start that. But as managers, as leaders, I would suggest that you get this book. It’s called Forget Me Not by Torri L. Fisher. It’s a very good read, it’s a great reference manual to have, even if you’re not going through it. If there’s one of your employees that’s going through it, and you can say, you know, I read this wonderful book. It’s called Forget Me Not, it’s about this, and has this, and has that, you know, chapters such as such. Here, I have one in my office, you know, you can borrow my copy, or you can have my copy, I’ll get another one. Whatever it is, if you can really connect to the human part of your employees, that will not just make you a great leader, but it will make you a leader that your employees never want to leave because they appreciate how much you cared about what they’re going through. Torri, I could talk to you all night.

Torri:
Right? I’m loving this.

Anita:
Okay, so I was going to ask you, I think we’ve covered this a little bit. We covered how to you know, when it’s time to go get screened, I want everyone to know that Torri does a great job at explaining the difference between aging dementia and Alzheimer’s in the book, and I’m such a nerd. In the beginning, it was like I was reading through this, and it was a lot of science for me, but I like that, right? I like understanding the science behind what someone is sharing with me. So definitely you want to, if you or someone that you know, or if you’re preparing for your employees, you’ll get to understand the difference between aging, dementia, and Alzheimer’s. I was going to ask you, how did you go from IT to Alzheimer’s and dementia, but we did talk about that, right? You ended up taking your MBA and your master’s and making it personal, and for me, it has to make sense for me, and it has to be interesting for me to want to be able to do it.

Torri:
I mean, I’ll even take it one step further. So I’m a very numbers, logic, spreadsheets excite me type of person. I’ve never considered myself artsy or creative. I respect people with that talent because, you know, I don’t get it. But I will say it as far as the book goes, why did you write a whole book then? Well, I had most of the material and binders from my own research, just being nosy online or even doing an assignment for school. Between, like I said, the family stuff that happened earlier this year and learning about some things that I wish I had known a few years ago, or even, you know, my mom says the same thing. She wished she took care of some things before, especially when she was healthy. It’s like, what can I do to mass share this information so that people don’t make the same mistakes? So that people have, you know, a roadmap on what to expect because if I’m honest, the journey will be different for everyone, just like you said. Your relationship with your mother is dictating how your relationship is, you know, affected now and it’s the same with me. So quite honestly, it was more about finding the right tools to help me assemble this book, educating myself on, you know, the publishing process and all of that, and the whole time it was scary, but it was enjoyable because I really wanted this to succeed, and it’s just in my heart that people don’t make the same mistake that I made. So for all of those that are listening right now, if your life insurance game isn’t on point, I need you to get on the website, you know, get on Google, do a little digging, you know, I can tell you that the burden of the finances that are left for the people that you care about the most, you know, it’s just compounding their grieving process. And anything that you can do to best be prepared for that now, while you’re healthy, and you have, you know, clear state of mind, and you can make your own decisions, just put that stuff in place now set it and forget it. So that’s probably one of my biggest lessons learned.

Anita:
I think you mentioned in the book, right, that there can come a point when you think you still have time, or I still have time, I still have time. You don’t want to think about the end of life, but you definitely have to do end-of-life planning before you need it.

Torri:
Thank you!

Anita:
Totally before you need it because if you don’t, you know, if you don’t, like you said, the financial burden, it’s like, yeah, I’m running a business. Yeah, I have a full-time job, but I also have the financials for my mom. Now she, of course, she has a Social Security. She has a pension for my dad, but that doesn’t cover it all, and so it’s like, wow, I wasn’t expecting, you know, to have these additional finances, but I do. All she knows is, the only thing you need to do, mom, is just enjoy, you know, enjoy yourself. Here’s, you know, here’s an allowance, my mom gets an allowance, she gets to do what she wants, to buy what she wants, within reason. She calls, and she’s like, Can I do this? And so when we go someplace, she’s like, she’s the mama. I’m like, Yeah, I’m the mama, you know, and we have a good time with that, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, if things were in place beforehand, and it wouldn’t be an extra lift. I not even going to  call it a burden because it’s not. She’s my mom, right? But planning, even those that are in your 30s, you know, if you have kids, get started now, like you said, set it and forget it. Don’t even worry about it. My best friend’s father passed away, and then she was surprised she got a check in the mail from an insurance policy that he told her to buy on him when she got her first major job. So that insurance policy has been there for 30-something years, she didn’t even remember, but this was a nice surprise to help, you know, manage the affairs after the fact. And so you know, trying to sell the house and things like that, but we don’t think about it. I’m guilty of it, too. I didn’t want to think about it, and now this is the position that we’re in. So whatever we can do to make things easier. I have now started buttoning up my affairs now that I’m like, look, okay, who’s gonna take this? Okay, I got this, I got that, we need this, we need that, and then for me, I have the added benefit, or the added responsibility of doing succession planning for the business, or, you know, even if no one’s going to be there to take it over, if it doesn’t go public, or whatever, if I don’t turn it into something where it can have my name, and then someone else can take it over, I still have to figure it out. I still have to have all the things, all those things in place, all the account numbers, all the websites and the email addresses, and all of that stuff. So it’s a lot to do, but once you do it, it’s just an update, like an annual update.

Torri:
Easily. It wasn’t enough to just have all the passwords. You need a little bit more than that.

Anita:
Right? Yep. Exactly. Well, Torri, thank you so much for this. I’m going to ask you one last question. And maybe, okay, I’m really I’m gonna let you go, but I know this is a question that I’m asking you at the end, but I’m still curious. What is the number one thing that surprised you as you began your caregiving journey?

Torri:
Probabaly… I don’t know. Probably my mom’s deference towards me, and even something as small as, Honey, do you mind if I make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Why would I mind? I kind of mentioned this before, but my need to be the big sister and feel like I’m protecting my brothers by not worrying them with updates about my mom. The biggest thing that probably surprised me was my mental health coach’s response to that, and that is, but she’s their mother too. Right? Why are you purposefully putting yourself under additional stress when it could be alleviated if you shared what you are going through with your brothers? And then maybe they can help? So because I’m such a mama bear, big sister with everybody, it probably surprised me about how much relief I had when I spoke with my baby brother. I went to Ohio, we went out to lunch, and he treated me to lunch because he’s an adult, but he’s my baby brother. I said, So there’s something that I need to talk to you about, and I’m just gonna say it. He put his knife and his fork down, he folded his hands, and he leaned in. And this is the baby of the family. And I said, there will come a time when we need to come together and talk about financing mom’s memory care. And he said, I have been waiting for this. I’ve been preparing myself for this conversation. What do you need, anything that you need? And so his reactions and me being the one asking for help probably surprised me the most in these first couple of years. So yeah.

Anita:
Yeah, you got me tearing up over here.

Torri:
Oh, I’m sorry!

Anita:
That’s okay. That’s so beautiful. That is. And I understand, you know, asking, being the one to handle everything and not wanting to burden other people. So for me, I don’t have siblings. It’s just me and my mom. I had a brother with my mom, a half-brother, but he’s no longer with us. My dad had already left us. So it’s me with my mom. My brother was married. He had a daughter. My former sister-in-law, I still call her my sister-in-law, so she’s still connected to my mom, my niece, and her husband and the boys, my nephew, my great nephews, they go over and they spend time with my mom. But when it comes to, like, all the doctor’s appointments and things like that, that’s normally me because she doesn’t trust anybody else but me, right? Someone else will take her, and then she’ll get very creative in her storytelling, and then they’re responding to her creative storytelling when that’s not the truth, right? My support system is like, well, you need to ask for help, you need to ask for help. I’m like, Well, my sister-in-law, doesn’t really own my mom anything. Right? She goes by, she hangs out with my mom, but she’s not… my brother is no longer here. So it’s not like she owes, and my niece has two kids. She owns her own business, so her hands are full all the time. So last week, I realized that I had some board responsibilities that needed to take place on the day, that mom had an appointment, and I said, You know what? I’m going to ask. I’m gonna put it out there. And I asked, and my sister-in-law is taking her.

Torri:
Aw, yay!

Anita:
I know! So I know what it feels like to not want to ask, not want to burden, you know, someone else because I’m the daughter, you know, I got this, this is my mom. But just knowing that, you know, and it’s not like, it won’t happen often, but this is like the one time in forever ever asked them to take her to the doctor. Right. But she said, Okay, just tell me, you know, where it is, the address, what time I need to be there, things like that. And so what I know I need to do, and this is you talked about this a little bit in your book, so I use a Trello board to keep all of my mom’s information together, right? I use it, I use an online Trello board so everything is there. If my assistant needs to make appointments, I have all of her doctor’s information, card facts, you know, all that, I have her insurance information in there. I have, okay, when calling, right to make an appointment, make sure you… and then I put all of that information in there. So I do have a place where if someone had to do something for me, they can access the information that they need in order to do what they need to do there.

Torri:
That’s actually next level. I like that. I’m not even that advanced yet!

Anita:
I had to because it was so much and having to have 19 conversations with people – this is where this is, this is where that is, you know, trying to give people paper copies of stuff, it’s like, no, let me just add you to the Trello board as a guest so I don’t have to pay for your membership. I’ll add you to the Trello card on that particular board, and all of mom’s information is on that board. 
Torri:
That’s brilliant.

Anita:
And then I use a Dropbox folder for her assisted living facility. So if they need something, I’ll email it to them, but I also drop it in that Dropbox folder, so that all of her documents for the facility are in the same place. So it’s all about finding systems that work that are not only working for you, so you’re not the person holding all the information, but it’s accessible for others too. And then making sure that that information is somewhere where in case something happens to me, all of her information didn’t go with me. Now you can just login here, and you can have everything that I do, the doctor’s notes and all that stuff, and all of her login information for her, like the different doctor’s offices, if they have a login, then it’s in there. So then all of her history, everything. So thank goodness for online tools, girl, because I would not be here. Trello is my friend! Trello and Dropbox, they are truly my friends. But I extended it a little longer again, so my apologies. It’s just so easy talking to you, I can’t wait to have girl time.

Torri:
I agree.

Anita:
Once you get all settled, you know, and everything, and 2023, we’re gonna schedule some girl time, and we will definitely have a great time, great conversation, and we’ll talk about some things, some possible collaborations that we can do to help spread the word about what’s needed before you actually need it in cases like this because you never know.

Torri:
I’m very amenable to that. And thank you again, for even this opportunity to honestly just chit-chat with my home girl. But, you know, if what we spoke about today, if one person gets one little nugget, and they’re able to, you know, action on it, and it helps them in some way, then it’s a weight more than gold.

Anita:
Absolutely. Absolutely. So I am excited. We’re going to start wrapping up now, I do want… Everyone, you’re listening to the podcast now, but you want to definitely go and download the show notes. The show notes are going to have all of the links where you can places where you can find Torri, links to purchase her book. You definitely want to get this book even if you don’t need it now, you should have it close by so that you can start looking at it as you prepare for your estate planning. I’m not gonna call it end-of-life planning, let’s call it estate planning. But you’ll have all the links there in the show notes and ways to get in touch with Torri for whatever reason. If you work at a nursing facility or an assisted living facility, it will be great to have Torri come and speak to individuals there, you know, whether it’s the staff or family members of the staff. I’m plugging you now, Torri. I’m not her agent, but this is like, trust me, you want to get this information out to people. So look for us to do some things together next year, and Torri, what would you like to leave our listeners with today?

Torri:
I think the biggest thing that I would have to say is just you within yourself, just take a moment. You know, breathe in deeply, breathe out deeply. And just enjoy the moment that you’re in. I know with this fast-paced world that we live in, and, you know, digital, this and social media that, you know. Everyone has all their moments online, and you don’t usually see the poor ones. We don’t care about the poor moments, but regardless of what type of moment it is, just enjoy the moment that you’re in because the next moment is not promised to you. So that’s really what I want to leave everyone with. It’s what I seek to do every day.

Anita:
That is powerful. That is powerful. And it’s also a way to relieve the stress, right? If you just take some take a moment and just center yourself. Yeah, I’m learning that. I’m learning that. I’m used to operating at 90 miles an hour, if you read today’s LinkedIn newsletter, you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about, but I put on the brakes. Doesn’t sound like it, but trust me. I’m not doing half the things I used to, I’m taking time to just enjoy it. Because by the time I get to… my mom’s 89, I just turned 57, I’m not getting any younger, but I’m certainly not trying to rush myself to, you know, early onset anything. Nothing, not even wrinkles, I don’t want those. I don’t want those either. So whatever I need to do to learn how to take a pause, center myself, slow down, as you said, and just enjoy whatever moment it is, whatever I’m doing in that moment. I think that’s like the best advice I’ve heard in a while. So thank you for that. Tell everybody how they can – I know it’s gonna be in the show notes, but for those that want to access you right away, where can they find you?

Torri:
Certainly. So for those of you that like to get in touch, or learn about other projects, you can find me at www.TorriFisher.com.

Anita:
Okay. That’s TorriFisher.com. And then her book Forget Me Not is available on Amazon and wherever books are sold.

Torri:
Exactly. Exactly. And I will put a little plug-in for your local mom-and-pop bookstore. If you go online, they more than likely have a website, and you can order the book through there, which will also help support the, you know, small businesses.

Anita: 
Yes, great. All right. So thank you everyone for listening, and until next time, we are signing off. This is Torri Fisher, and your coach, Anita Charlot.

Torri:
Thank you!

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Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Torri L. Fisher

PODCAST EPISODE № 71

Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Torri L. Fisher

by Anita Charlot

Listen to Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Torri L. Fisher:

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PODCAST EPISODE № 71

Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Torri L. Fisher

by Anita Charlot

Listen to Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Torri L. Fisher:

What You Learn:

Featured on the Show:

Episode Transcript

Enjoy the Show?

IF YOU LIKE IT, SHARE IT

Get the free video training..."Can He Handle Your Grind?"

podcast

stay in touch

Get the free video training...
"Can He Handle Your Grind?"