PODCAST EPISODE № 14

Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Sahar Paz

by Anita Charlot

Listen to Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Sahar Paz:

Join Personal Branding Strategist – Sahar Paz (she/her) and me as we share the realities of pushing yourself too hard, overachieving, being forced to take a break and face our truths, and how to overcome ALL of that to find your very own happiness.

It’s amazing how I continue to attract into my space truly unique women with such amazing stories. It is such a beautiful experience. Listen in as Sahar shares a very personal and intimate story from her own life to help you, the listener, learn from her experiences.

New episodes drop every Wednesday with plenty of information and life lessons for you to “grow from.”

Dare to be happy in business AND in love!

Have you grabbed your free download with 10 Tips on How to Date Successfully As A Professional Woman? It’s not just for single women, you know. It’s also for women already in a relationship or married. So click here to get your copy and learn how to begin to open up your life (and your calendar) to make room for the love life you’ve always wanted.

What You Learn:

Sahar’s journey of finding her voice in Corporate America
How we decipher what’s our voice and what is social conditioning
The importance of keeping your vision big – the time is now!
Sahar’s advice for finding your happy!

Featured on the Show:

Visit Sahar’s website to learn more about her work with owning your voice!
Click here to listen to Sahar’s podcast “Own Your Voice: Cultivating Voices of Impact”
Follow Sahar on Instagram and LinkedIn
How to Date Successfully as a Professional Woman, 10 Tip Download Signature Course
Learn more about how you can work directly with Anita
Love the show? Leave a review of the show in Apple Podcasts (click the link to find out how).
Follow me on Instagram!
Find me on Facebook!

Episode Transcript

Coach Anita Charlot:
All right. Well, you know what, I’m just so excited. I’m just so excited doing these interviews has become like one of my favorite things, I really didn’t think I was going to do a lot of interviews, but there are just so many amazing women in my space, I just, I just want to share, I just want to share with everyone! So with that being said, I have in the virtual studio with me today, Sahar Paz. She is absolutely amazing. I just want you guys to know you are in for a treat. And make sure you check the show notes and the description of today’s podcast so that you can get all of her wonderful information, how to contact her, the links that she’s going to share with you. Also, in the show notes, anything that we talked about, whether Sahar or myself, any links to resources will be in the show notes as well. So that you know, we got all the administrative stuff out of the way. Now let’s just get to the good stuff.
I am so happy to have you here. If you can do me a favor and just share a little bit about yourself about your background and what inspires you to work and helping people find and own their voices. That would be great.
    
Sahar Paz:
Well, first of all, thank you. Thank you, Anita, for having me, for putting all the effort to put all this together and get these important messages out there. And you know, you started by saying, Oh, I love guests, and I have so many amazing women in my circle. And they’re a reflection of you, and so I just want to say thank you for the effort because it takes some to put a podcast together. So you out there, executive women listening, you can pass this podcast to someone else and invest in Miss Anita. Yeah, Sahar Paz is my name, and my first name Sahar means when night meets day. That’s a very fancy way to say dawn. So if get any friends named Dawn, Sahar is their name.
 
Coach Anita Charlot:
I do. Yeah, awesome.
Sahar Paz:
Finding and owning the voice has become my mission. Even before I could say this is my mission. Because of my childhood, because of watching men and women, both genders have their voices taken from them. So I was born in a revolution in the Middle East, and although a lot of times when we hear about that region of the world, we think it is the women who have no rights, but it’s hard for the gentleman to watch the people that they love, their rights taken away. And so that becomes a really messed up power and the whole community really suffers. And we’re living in America as a person of color, you can relate.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Absolutely, absolutely.
    
Sahar Paz:
So at a very young age, and I came to the States, Denver, Colorado in 1986. As a refugee of war, I really learned really quickly to read between the lines of how uncomfortable my name or my mom’s accent would make people feel. And so there was this kind of voice that was kind of put on us, and I rebelled against it for a long time, and it made me burn out. It made me go to the top and made me burn out. And so finding and owning your voice is my mission because of those young days because of those impressionable days that really left a mark on me into my womanhood into my 40s
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Yeah, that’s me. Wow. Oh my goodness, I can’t imagine being a refugee of war, right. I can’t imagine what that’s like, you know? I mean, being a woman of color over here, we have our own war on a daily basis. But, you know, it’s just the fact that you’ve come over and that you have decided after you said after you rose to the top. So, sounds like you had some time in corporate America right? Where you had, you were on the, as we say the hamster wheel, you know, you’re doing the thing. And then you decided that just that wasn’t for you. So lead us through your journey through corporate America, and when you knew that, okay, this is it, I can’t do this anymore. And you decided to move forward and go on with the mission that you have today, which is helping people find their voice.
    
Sahar Paz:
Well, I learned at the age of 13, that you can start working here in the states and make some money. And I realized the power of money and working hard and, you know, being just a good worker, and that work ethic took me all the way to corporate. And because I wanted to work because I wanted to make that money, I really didn’t even… I just kind of skipped through college, I took a couple semesters, I had to pay for my own education. I was like, man, I just rather work. I know how to go make some money, right? So it was my work ethic that really took me to that corporate ladder. And it was me taking my resume, a being a manager in retail and really flipping that for corporate environment. And I was able to move myself from Colorado to Florida by flipping that resume and began in life insurance. And so here I am in the world of finance that eventually takes me to New York City where I’m working in the private bank and still in the mortgage arena. So at this point, I’ve reached there, I’m 25, I’m in New York. So here are all the things on my happy list: dream city, a stable job, being in this relationship. And I get all of them check, check check. And I found myself unhappy and working really hard burning the candle at both ends thinking this will give me happiness, and they see they’re working really hard in the office or afterward by being a people pleaser, or you know, different things of trying to figure out where that happiness lies. And so that is when I really learned this isn’t for me, and I learned it the very hard way and my body gave out, I completely burned out. And I was just pushing and pushing and pushing. So a lot of us do that up, just you know, just, I’ll deal with it tomorrow. I don’t have a choice. You know, it’s a privilege for me to even be in this position, I better you know, don’t do anything to mess it up. Right? You know, and I realized then that I was really living the story that was comfortable for my family as immigrants to finance stick to you know, these big industries and safe and whatever. And so it was a lot of me of what I thought was safe. But it really wasn’t and, and so I burned out, and it caused me to be hospitalized for nine months, really. I had to go on disability and it was a complete mental break.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Wow. That’s… you know, we carry a lot of that, right? Women we carry a lot of that, and you know, I talk about that a lot just in my own personal space, right? You have women who will just make a post on Facebook about it, we will continue to run ourselves in the ground, we won’t look out for ourselves. If we have family, like immediate family, if we have children husband will look out for them first. I’ll get to me later. Sometimes the women that I work with, they’re so used to being at the top of you know, their industry, and being known for being at the top of their industry. And this is the perception that they want to continue, they will run themselves into the ground personally just to keep up that perception. Right? And then you have women who go through their lives and to do all of this and to be everything to everybody. And then at the drop of a hat you know, I always say once you turn 40 you start thinking about things but once you turn 50… 50 then we go when you turn 50, you’re like you know what? Oh hell no, I’m not doing this anymore. And then you drop whatever you’re doing, you moved to Bali and you open up a bikini stand on the beach, right? So in between that, right? What can you do? And it sounds like you know, you didn’t listen to your body telling you because I’m sure there was signs along the way and your body was just like you know what, you won’t listen to me? Fine. I’m going to take over and it just shut down. Nine months.
    
Sarah Paz:
And I was 25! Think about how young that is – 25, oh my god – when that happened. So think about how young that really is and how robust my mind should be my body was okay, but my mind, you know, when your mind can’t go you cannot go. Right. So it was heavy. And you know, it was a lot of PTSD that I also had to deal with. It wasn’t just a woman this job trying to people, please. But when you are in survival mode, which I believe as executive women as women of color, as Black women, yes, survival mode is there and not, you know, it’s there underneath in the nervous system. Mm-hmm. Right is like the little wars that you were talking about. So it’s part of your consciousness as part of your decision-making. And that takes a certain kind of energy. Yes. And that gives a certain, you know, when you come home, there’s so much more than your heels that you take off. Yes.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
You are, you get me, you, you totally get me right. I know, last year was, was hard for a lot of us. But I can honestly tell you that as I’ve spent, and I’m 55, I’ll be 56 this year, but I’ve spent the majority of my adult life, not trying to focus on the pain of my ancestors, right, because it would be too much for me to really hold on to that and then to, to continue to do better in an environment that really didn’t care about what my past had been in my generations past have been like. And so last year, I think I just hit a wall, I hit a wall! Especially after the George Floyd incident, I was like, you know what? I can’t, I can’t, I just I had to shut down, I shut down. At the same time, I was going through a trauma-informed yoga training so that I can provide that as a service to my clients. But with George Floyd, that training work in my business, and then learning that my mom had dementia, like all of that happening at one time, I was like, Okay, that’s it. The trauma-informed yoga training opened up a lot of old wounds, right. And I wasn’t just feeling for George Floyd, I was feeling for all of the times where I had, you know, not used my voice and not owned my voice, and all of the stories that I knew about, you know, the woman that had gone before me, and it was just a lot. So I just, I didn’t focus on the business, I, you know, the clients that I had, once we completed their programs, I didn’t add any more clients, and I just took the time for me. So it’s just, it’s just one of those things, whether it’s, you know, mental or physical, when you hit that point, you hit it at 25. I hit it at 54. Right. But when you hit it, it wakes you up, right? And that’s what it sounds like it did for you. So you said that you went through you you had to deal with PTSD, you were, you know, hospitalized for nine months. How did you come back from that? What did you do? How did you find your footing again?
    
Sahar Paz:
It was really understanding how change happens on a daily basis and giving myself the permission. So I will share with you a little bit of what that meant for me. But for you out there listening, and part of the reasons I love podcast is you can begin to understand and find the solutions that work well for your personality, your specific trauma, the way that your mind and body works depending if you’re introvert, extrovert, or left brain, right brain, all the brains, you know, so for me, I do use both sides of my brain. And I think one of the reasons and working in finance, I was so depleted as none of my creative side was being fed. And so in these nine months, there was a full hospitalization for about four months of it. But then after that, I would go into a day program that was based on cognitive behavior, which is, this is what I think this is how it makes me feel. And then this is how I act. So my first book, find your voice is actually breaking that down in Layman’s terms and writing some of my stories. And so it’s really… I call it Find Your Voice because you’re finding your voice inside like, what am I talking myself into? And out of my Am I being my own hype woman? Or am I being a hater, right? 
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Right. 
    
Sahar Paz:
So that was the program that I went to in the daytime. And here’s what I know now is that that program helped me logically break down a lot of these big things like what you just shared with us, Anita. And thank you for being so vulnerable about all that you were going through, you know, from your mom to your business. So you have to almost compartmentalize to survive. And I think as people of color, you learn how to do that the mask outside the real person inside got this person with this group of friends and here’s the real me. So that’s also what I had to do. I mean, when we moved here within the first six weeks, it was like don’t say your Persian, don’t say you’re from Iran. They say why your mom has an accent so you’re from Turkey. So, Boom! Already learning what mask I have to put on. And so it was really, you know, all those things make you carry a lot of shame all those things make me make you bite your tongue. All those things make it hard to understand what’s your voice, what’s not right, and so that was really the program: breaking down the pain of the ancestors, breaking down how it influences the way I think the prison in my perspective and adding some logic to it. Now the thing about cognitive behavior, it’s very white, male-centered, and that’s who came up with it. There’s none of that feminine energy of let’s dance, or let’s play music, the creative feminine energy that comes from collaboration and doing things that, you know, in the beginning, it did help me to put percentages to all my different pain because damn! The trauma is deep. Yeah, you know, but then to move past it, I needed this other thing. And for me, I, I joined a salsa dance group. And that’s really how I found my voice because it was so uncomfortable. It was a safe place for me to put myself out there channel my adrenalin, and, and, you know, get yourself out of your comfort zone, which I think some of us are afraid to do. Some of us don’t want to invest the time and money, some of us are just afraid of trying something new and being maybe a little bad at it. So that’s a very long answer to say what I learned and that coming out because I’ve repurposed that and reuse that as challenges have come up.

Coach Anita Charlot:
Yes, they do. Yes, they do. They do. And even, you know, as you were discussing your journey with me, you mentioned salsa, dancing, and movement, right? Part of the I can totally relate to that, because part of my journey last year, and trying to figure things out, I always, you know, I tell people all the time, I had 2.5 therapists, right, I had the instructor for the trauma-informed yoga training, well, we had to report every week we had to talk through is if you’re going to help other people with their trauma, you have to be able to touch your eyes first, right? And so we had those, so she was that sort of support for me. And then I said, you know, in the Black community, mental health, seeking mental, you know, health support is just not a thing. But I was like, I’m not going to be that person. So I had my talk space therapist because of course, we couldn’t do it in person. And then I also had a somatic experience practitioner, which was and this was something that I didn’t realize, she taught me, my yoga instructor told me, this is something that I think you would benefit from, because I had also had an energy reading down, which stated that all of all that was coming in, I was giving out and I wasn’t holding on to it, right. I was pouring out all this love for everybody else, but I wasn’t doing anything for myself. And I didn’t think you know, so yeah, yeah. Okay, this is warm and fuzzy, this is Whoo, but fine. So, you know, after last year, and everything, just the onion way. So peel back the layers, it just exploded, I was like, fine, I’ll do it. So in working with the somatic experience practitioner, what she taught me was, how to touch my pain, where it was, when to how to recognize it. Because there were times last year when I would have to leave work, and go for an emergency chiropractic appointment, because I couldn’t turn my head left or right, I would have to turn my entire body because of the stress. So she taught me how to recognize the subtle signs, right? And how to figure awake, I know what this is, I know what this is. And so movement became very important to me. And when I think about back in my 20s, I used to go dancing, like every weekend, that was my way, I get on the floor and just sweat it out. But I don’t do it anymore. I don’t do it anymore. And so this was a good way to get back in touch with me. So kudos to you for salsa dancing. I would love to do salsa dancing when the world opens up again.
    
Sahar Paz:
Until then, y’all we got YouTube. Exactly. Same free at home.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
No mask required. Right, exactly. Wow. So, I know we talked a little bit about it, but if you can explain for the listeners, like what does it really mean to find your voice?
    
Sahar Paz:
Well, I’m talking about finding that voice on the inside. Because before you speak out loud, there’s a lot going on and you can have 70 to 100,000 thoughts in a day. Ain’t nobody trying to hear all that. Right? Right. So finding your voice is a lot about one that self-awareness and not about tuning into everything. But again, that self-awareness that you just talked about, where’s the showing up in my body? And you know, and the thing was like when you feel something in a moment, it lasts six seconds is that seven-second onward, where we like, keep it going, keep it going, right? And it’s that self-awareness of like, hey, am I getting myself, you know, talking myself in or out of some greatness here, what’s going on. And so that self-awareness is one piece and that’s, you know, listening to yourself, and also tuning into your body listening to the self-talk, as well as the physiological sound. And then is self-regulation, also known as pumping your brakes. Right. And, you know, I think is, as folks who’ve sometimes have been told you there be in the shadow or dump don’t come across emotional or angry, you know, we’re very good at self-regulating maybe a little too good, you know? So that’s something to think about as well. Like, what is self-regulation mean for you? And sometimes it means about, like, when we’re getting hard on ourselves, or when we want to say something, say, Oh, no, I’ll just do it later on, it doesn’t really matter that much. So understanding maybe how you regulate now and is it working for or against you, that’s one of the big things and in just between those two things, that’s a lot of work, listening to yourself, and regulating how you’re responding to that, right. And within that, you know, when you really begin to tune in, there are some things that could come up, you might start feeling guilty, maybe because you actually go and use your voice in a situation that you haven’t before. And so you feel kind of bad about it. Right? So or maybe you’re you know, when you’re finding your voice and using it, you’re, it’s tough, you’re finding your words to you’re finding your messaging and figuring out what lands with the other party, but finding your voice I’m going to come back to it’s that self-awareness. And we can get into some more tips and tricks around that in a minute. And then self-regulation, pumping your brakes, deciding how you want to react, when are you holding yourself back too much, or you’re ready to lean in what’s going on for you?
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Right? And even when you find your voice and you speak up? individuals that are not used to you using your voice, you know, you have to be in a space, I think where you’re prepared to deal with the pushback, right? Sometimes people will come back and they will point a finger at you and say okay, it’s your you’re the problem. It’s you It’s you. It’s you where you know, within yourself once you find your voice that no it really isn’t me. And this is not okay. You can no longer do this or talk to me in this kind of way. Right? Exactly.
    
Sahar Paz:
Exactly. And so it’s you know, don’t let the pushback to people have to address when you find an own your voice one, It’s you It’s you hearing it. And listen before you even see, you know, say it and hear it. There’s this whole adrenaline pumping up inside. So you’re sweating, things are being fast. You’re right, man, this feels like hell, I must be going the wrong way. But your adrenaline kicking up your gentleman’s back, right? Just a little extra deodorant that day, bring your wipes. And so just your body’s is gearing you up, your body’s not talking you out of it. That’s one thing, and then hearing it feeling the vibrations, having it fall back on your ears, all of that is a mixed bag and then and like Anita said, hey, there’s gonna be this other person that’s going to be like, Whoa, who does? What? No, no, right? So don’t let that scare you. And for those moments, just like a new desert to be prepared, what is be prepared means that doesn’t mean let’s confront one of the most, one of the ways I like to be prepared especially when I’m reintroducing myself is have some questions, you know, like and it’s go down that worst-case scenario because that allows you to go down the rabbit hole and you got a contingency plan. You are ready for ABC to Z. Right? And so if you think of Okay, I’m finally going to speak up with my colleague and say, you know, I actually don’t agree with this Bob. You know, this is something I think you need to handle this part and I’m going to handle this part. Also here I’ve never heard you say that this isn’t this we’ve always done it this way so on and so forth. Yeah, but you know what, Bob, you’re always talking about let’s think outside of the box and try new processes. So this is what I’m thinking what are your thoughts and be collaborative in the sense because that’s not you being weak? That’s you helping them come to the realization so right have some of those remarks and have more questions prepared versus a defense-like statements because you want the conversation to evolve. The beautiful thing about questions and it’s not you’re questioning them, literally ended the question with what are your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you. Or you know, there’s Let’s, let’s think about some other ways we can approach this.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Right. And that’s a great example for the corporate setting. You know, I talk a lot about relationships, not just the work relationship, but also the home relationship. Right? So how would someone address using their voice and preparing for the pushback in a personal relationship?
    
Sahar Paz:
Well, there’s always three truths, yours, your partners, and what’s really going down. Right.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Right, right.
    
Sahar Paz:
So it’s important, you know, it’s one of these things that it always comes back to, because the same person that stands in the bedroom stands in the boardroom is what I like to say, right? And we’ve, you know, we’ve had to check our emotions at the door. But I think the bright side of the pandemic, and what happened in the racial awakening, because of George Floyd’s death, is that this conversation is happening more around, how are you feeling? What is your perspective, everyone’s trying to learn this empathy, right? So, it is about using that to our benefit. And when you have the push back at home, you know, some of it is about timing. Come back to your values. And I say this, because this is when your energy exchange will be okay when you’re making the compromises you have to make in life, and you’ll still be okay. And if you’re not sure what your value is, this is an amazing reflective exercise to do with your family member. You can do it with your colleagues. And you can go to Google and Google and find them, give me a list of values. And you’re going to get you to know, sheets that you could print with 120, 500, right. And you can begin to just, you know, one of my favorite things is put them on sticky notes, put them on sticky notes. And then once you do begin to group, the ones that seem to go together, yeah, like for me, integrity, trust and honesty, I was like, these all kind of go together. If I have integrity, guess what? I’m going to be honest. And if I’m honest, I’m going to cultivate trust, it’s all going down, right? So you can write out the buckets they’re in. And if you do this with that family members, it’s about finding that common ground. It’s about also being clear on what your values are. And knowing Hey, you know, am I the one selling myself short? Is this the right place? For me? Is this the right job for me? these negotiations, and sometimes when you do them at home because it is the same, you have to live with these people. People are sensitive, they have triggers, we have baggage, we got history, right? Oh, some of the same landmines, if you really think about it, and so if you’re brave enough to do it at home, where hopefully you’re more yourself, it will begin to bleed in those other areas of your life. And you’ll get to practice the words you use, you’ll get to practice that self-regulation and nobody can get you heated like a loved one.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
My face, if you see my face, oh my goodness.
    
Sahar Paz:
So it’s really the best practicing ground. So you know, if you guys really both think about your values, these become words and conversations that you bring to the table that are not about the topic at hand about you know, and there are certain people that bring religion as the Center for their relationship, you know. If you have that, great! If not, these values become another way that you could begin to come in and understand each other and find, you know, the perspective, it’s about understanding the other person’s perspective, literally.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Yeah.
Sahar Paz:
And if you’ve been, you know, selling yourself short for too long, you’re gonna need stamina, boo. So instead of being frustrated, I got to repeat this again. Just know that you’re worth it, and know that you’re going to have to repeat. And if you are a survivor of trauma, and it’s very hard for you, sometimes we leave sticky notes. Sometimes we leave texts. Sometimes we find our voice and other ways voice memos in a text. And so have that stamina because you will have to be repetitive because you’re introducing the new you to yourself and to someone else, right?
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
That is so that is so true. And that is so powerful. The repetition, you have to do it because you can’t do it. Sometimes clients come in and they think okay, yeah, I got that covered. Okay, we can move on to the next thing and I’m like, just No, this is not completely over, you know, this will come back around. And so I always like to give my clients the idea of a spiral staircase, right. So if you think about a spiral staircase, that’s, you know, just just before there’s a wall behind it, and think of your issue as a painting, when you walk up the first level, you see that Painting from that perspective right from that level, and then the next time you go around you you’re up to the second level, there’s the same painting, but you’re seeing it from a different perspective. That’s the problem, right? So if you have an issue, even though you address that issue on level one, that issue is going to come back it’s going to be a little different once you get to level two, but it will not just go away so you’re going to have to continue to you know, practice, put into practice, repeat the same type of thing or the same type of situation before you can actually move through it without it having that same level of energy that it had with you on level one, right? So I love that totally, totally love that.
    
Sahar Paz:
Okay, I love that visual of the staircase and if anyone out there has been thinking about visualizations or meditation as a way to help yourself that right there is a really great one to help train your brain and that was so I mean, it’s just such a good visual and it makes so much sense. So thank you for sharing any Oh, you’re welcome. You’re so welcome.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Okay, so how do we decipher what’s our voice and how our voices have been conditioned?
    
Sahar Paz:
Well, that values exercise is a really good one what you were talking about earlier is you can just feel it you could feel it in your body if it’s not right if it’s not falling well with you. And so those are two two of the ways that I’m going to say really quickly but then there’s a fun way but definitely get tight on those values because you need to understand what drains you and what drains you is anything that’s the opposite of your values and so that’s a that’s a big thing I’m going to say but in my journey of finding your voice and those 70,000 to 100,000 thoughts in a day well there’s a lot of you know, we can use psychological terms like changing your perspective or fortune telling but it’s really about understanding how you talk to yourself and so for me I’ll give a couple of examples of the my journey and how I began to name some of the self talk personalities on the inside because you get wrapped up with them and I want it to be able to self regulate pump my brakes but it’s hard to do that and so when I was writing my book English is my second language and I had the fortune telling telling the end so Psychic Phyllis So who are you to write this book English is your second language, got some grammar issues you can you know data going on and on and on not telling me that and so if you’re ever telling the end either totally bad or even totally good, I’m gonna write this book I’m gonna be a millionaire Oprah’s gonna have me on your show, right? You’re just setting yourself up bad either way. So Psychic Phyllis. Psychic Phyllis, that’s fortune-telling. That’s when you’re looking at the end and, and not even giving yourself a chance. Another one that’s been really good for me when I have fear is Logical Laila. Logical Laila says, All right, Fearful Fran, come on. Give me your list. Let’s go down the rabbit hole of all the pushback we’re going to get. And I’m going to come in on the other side with logic and tell you how we can deal with that that you are equipped. You got everything you need. And so you know, think of these names on the inside for yourself, because this is about leaning away from that talk. Understanding Hey, is this me? Does this feel good in my body? Is this the direction I want to be going? So listen, if Beyonce has it, she’s got a name when she wants to get on stage. Yeah, we can do it too. Yes, we can do it too.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
Oh, I love that.
    
Sahar Paz:
Sasha Fierce. Let’s do it.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
I love that I call my rebellious. Don’t make me show my Black card side, Shaniqua Shea Shea. So it’s, it’s she can go there. It’s like don’t push that button because one shiny goes out. It’s over. Right. And so my friends and I had a co-worker at my previous job and you know, another Black woman and she had met Shaniqua Shea Shea and so we would have our conversations and when she could feel me going there. She’s like, Shaniqua! I’m like, Oh, yeah, you’re right. Okay, okay. I have to come back. I have to come back. But yes, I love naming, you know, the different parts of yourself because it’s a lot easier to… like she would stop me right in the middle of my rant. She called me Shaniqua, Anita would hear it, and then: Okay, we’re in the workplace. Yes, I remember. And so that was good. And then Shaniqua was the one that comes out when she needs to protect, right when she feels like okay, no, this is too much for Anita, it’s time for me to step up and you know, take over so Yes, totally love that. Totally love that.
    
Sahar Paz:
Yeah. So make up your own names out there whoever’s listening, have fun with it, because it’s heavy work. So it’s important to keep it fun.
    
Coach Anita Charlot:
I have a friend who’s also a coach, her name is coach Jenny and Hilda is her inner critic. So Hilda is her name. So shout out to coach Jenny! I just, I could just talk to you all day. But my next question for you is after you find your voice, is time to own it, right? That can mean different things in your personal and professional life. Where do you start?
    
Sahar Paz:
I like to break it down life in buckets because we can’t do it all at once. And when you do, you’re going to mess it up somewhere. So one of them there’s personal and professional, but really there’s a few more in that. So one, there’s that relationship to yourself. So do I need to get into my body? Do I need to do some healing? Do I need to have some honest conversations with myself? Do I need a counselor to help me with those, that’s the bucket with self. And those your bucket was relationships, your relationships can be intimate with your family, with your kids, you know, and look at that bucket. And there’s that professional bucket. And then the last one is your spiritual bucket. And so I would look at those and say, Where do I want to really own my voice and that’s me showing up the way that I always kind of whispered or thought about or dreamt about or saw on someone else’s How I wish I could do that. Right? So or even sometimes for me, it was like, oh, if I were to, you know, live overseas, my life vibe would be different, I would, I wouldn’t be living to work, I would work to live, you know, or vice versa. So it’s about kind of bringing that mentality and into the now for yourself, and whatever that is. And so figure out that bucket because it’s the place that you feel the most confident in, it’s the place that you feel like you can have the most success in because you gain your confidence of Own your voice. And then it begins to go into the other ones. Now I got to speak to my lane of genius. And what I love about personal branding because since the Find Your Voice days, I’ve started on your voice strategy firm, and I wanted to and this came from being on the road and you know, you want to change the world and you want to make a difference. And you realize I can’t do it by myself, I realized that you know, in my burnout, like Girl, you can’t do it by yourself. And so this personal branding is really allowing me to get behind other people. And because I get behind these conscious leaders, it becomes a very big exercise because they have a lot of things they want to push forward at the same time. A lot of people want to help, then they get the imposter syndrome, who am I? It’s a beautiful exercise. And if you have been thinking about your personal brand on LinkedIn, or whatever the activity of going through that as is, is a great challenge and revelation in your career. But at the end of the day, pick a bucket, give yourself a chance, gain confidence in one area, and it will naturally spill into the others. So is it yourself? Is it your relationship with others? Is it your professional? Or do you need to tap into your spiritual side and, and gain some strength there?
    
Coach Anita Charlot: 
Hmm. I like that. I like that the personal branding that’s, you know, it sounds like with the different buckets, right? It’s almost like looking at stepping into your future self. And then asking, you know, responding in a situation as your future self, but you’ve already identified what that future self looks like, what she sounds like, how she carries herself, how she responds. And so when you responding today, according to your future self and you keep doing that the repetition, the practice helps it become normal for you, right? It’s no longer your future self it is who you embody today.
    
Sahar Paz:
Exactly. And give yourself a chance to have that vision. You know, we as people of color, and I think especially as a Black woman, it’s like thinking small, blend into the background and that cuts off your vision after what we went through in 2020. And anytime there’s trauma or the ancestral trauma, it’s hard to have a big vision, it’s kind of sometimes limited. So when you’re visioning and what you’re saying, like really embodying that allows you to go bigger and go bigger and go bigger. You know, and I love it. I love it. Stand on my shoulders. Let me brand all of you wonderful leaders. Yet you out there let’s break biases.
    
Coach Anita Charlot: 
Yeah. Oh, it’s certainly time. Certainly time for that. Okay, so I’m going to ask you this one last question. Maybe I’ll try to keep… be brief. But I’m going to ask you this one last question. I think our listeners are really going to this is something that I talk about a lot. And it’s like not really giving ourselves credit. And I talked about it in terms of relationship, but you know, having to dim our light in order to be liked by someone else, where in order to be, you know, even at work, you know, we don’t want to ruffle too many feathers, we, we just, we don’t know how to be our best selves. And we don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to do that, because we shrink like we don’t take up a whole lot of space. So to the Gen X women out there who are called to play small and their personal and professional life, what do you want to share with them?
    
Sahar Paz:
This is your time. The time is now you did not get passed up in might have become a little pessimistic, but you didn’t get past it. And you know, working in personal branding, I see a lot of millennial women who are just like boom, going for it and passing up some Gen X women, including myself, and I see it’s because she’s got a little less baggage to unpack, right? So for us, it’s really time to put it down and understand that it’s our time. It’s our time for many reasons. And I am a Gen X woman! Because we got the wisdom under our belt, we got the experience under our belt, and we still have stamina. So literally, I say it is your time and not just you know, because it’s motivational Instagram quotes, let’s talk about the awakening, let’s talk about the abundance of diversity, equity, and inclusion. And yes, there are some organizations who are putting statements out there and just doing it for show, but there’s a lot of others who are trying. And when the hand gets extended, take it. Right. And I think some of it is scary, some of it is unsure of like, you just want me because you want to check your box. Well, if they have that bad intention, hold them accountable. still play chess and allow it to work for you. Unless you’re It’s a crazy toxic environment, I would say, go for it. Go for it take advantage, something that might feel opportunistic is not. And that’s one of the ways that we’ve been conditioned. Yeah, so I think it’s about Chin up, look past the horizon and look at where we are, as a society, we have a long way to go. But there are conversations being started within organizations. And you know, I’m seeing it here in Houston, I’m in Houston, Texas. So we’re, we’re a blend, we are a blend. And if I’m seeing that some of the organizations here are taking when I’m hoping that wherever you are, and listening in that you’ll also be experiencing the same. So it’s your time, whether it’s investing in your personal brand, speaking up at work, practicing in one of those buckets, it’s really about finding your voice inside and giving yourself permission and to think bigger and talk bigger and be bigger, and whatever that means for you. And Anita is here to help you with that. And Nita is here to help you practice your voice. She’s here to help you move that through your body. You’re not listening to her podcast by mistake, shoot, we’re in it. 30 minutes. Right.
    
Coach Anita Charlot: 
Great. Thank you. Thank you so much. This has been amazing, right? And I just I am just so thankful that I stepped out from behind just writing and posting on the internet to decide not only to share my voice but to open up my platform to share the voices of other women that I knew would be a great addition to the podcast and also be able to help the listeners, you know, it’s about community over competition, right? And I think that the more we do that as women, the better that we will be as a whole. You know, I keep always here and I’ve experienced, you know, like the What do we call it the crab or the lobster in the tank syndrome, right? We’re okay, well, I don’t want her on my show because of this, or I don’t want to invite her because of that. There is room for everyone. Each one of us brings our own magic and we bring our own experiences and we bring our own journey to our healing to enter finding our voice. And so I that’s what I want to provide in these interviews on my podcast and I truly thank you for being a part of that and for gracing us with your presence. So with that, I want everybody to head on over to the show notes. I want you to connect with Sahar check out her website. Absolutely purchase her book. I have an in my cart right now. And hopefully, we will have her back on another episode. coming up soon and until next time, talk to you soon. Bye.