PODCAST EPISODE № 46

Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Ashley Smith

by Anita Charlot

Listen to Candid Conversations with Phenomenal Executive Women: Ashley Smith:

Hello, beautiful! This week on the show, we have the incredible and phenomenal woman, Ashley Smith.

As the founder and director of M Perfectly Nonprofit, having an extensive career in medical device sales and working as a communications coach, coaching c-suite executives from LinkedIn, Facebook, Google, and more, her passion for communications has only increased. Ashley’s awareness for voices heard & unheard has also become keen. Her heart extends to women who have conformed to societal expectations which have crippled their ability to strive for excellence over perfection.

From corporate leadership development to shelters for underprivileged women, Ashley is building a strong foundation in what it means to be self-confident while leaving a footprint of hope for women from all walks of life!

What You Learn:

How getting fired twice caused Ashley to find her true calling
Where your purpose lies and how to find it
All about M Perfectly and the Shine On, Sister virtual workshop
That you are deserving, and you are WORTHY!

Featured on the Show:

Check out all the incredible work Ashley is doing at M Perfectly, and sign up for a Shine On Workshop today!
Support M Perfectly on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn
Learn more about how you can work directly with Anita
Love the show? Leave a review of the show on Apple Podcasts (click the link to find out how).
Follow me on Instagram!
Find me on Facebook!

Episode Transcript

Coach Anita Charlot:
Welcome back to another episode of The Happy Executive Woman Podcast. I am your host, Anita Charlot, and today is another candid conversation with a phenomenal woman. Her name is Ashley Smith. Now let me tell you, you guys know how this goes, right? We can start the conversation, I think we’re going to go for, you know, a certain amount of time, but once the conversation gets flowing, we just keep going. So I’m going to try to keep it under an hour today, I’m getting better at this. Maybe, possibly. But anyway, I know that you guys give me grace, and from all the feedback that I’ve been getting about the podcast, the guests that are coming on, and conversations, they’re like, it’s just like two girlfriends sitting in the room chatting. So that’s exactly what this is gonna be about here. So to give you a bit of the background, Ashley, and I were connected by Alycia, and Alycia Huston was another phenomenal woman that was on the podcast a couple of months ago, and you know how that conversation went: laughing and talking. And so we could have actually just pressed the record button, the last time when we had our conversation, and the podcast would have been done, but we wanted to hang out again. And now we’re here sharing with you today. So welcome so much, Ashley, I’m so happy to see you.
    
Ashley Smith: 
I feel like we need like a walk-in song after that intro! You speak so much truth to that. I need it. Because, you know, it’s funny, you gave me this like pre-form to fill out, and I left it mostly blank, and so – I can see your face – and we had this conversation like who is this cat? What are we going to talk about? And within like five minutes, we were both leaned in nose-to-nose to the camera, and conversation just unraveled in such a way that we were like long-lost friends.
    
Anita:
Right? Absolutely. Yes. You know, that’s just how it happens. And when I saw your… Normally, you know, I get the intro through the website where people said, they put contact, you know, and that they want to be on the podcast, and we go through this whole process. But when I saw that your name came in, and I saw who sent you, I was like, Oh, this is gonna be good. So we were just figuring it out, and that’s exactly what we did. So Ashley, before we get into, well, we’ll put it this way. Let’s start today’s podcast by sharing your story. And I know we’re gonna just hit ‘em upside the forehead right out the gate. Okay. So this is what you shared with me, and I was like, oh, yeah, this is the first thing we’re going to talk about. Because I’m sure it’s going to lead into how and why you decided to create M Perfectly. Let’s talk about how you got fired.
    
Ashley:
Nothing builds resistance, or resilience – I should say not resistance – resilience like being fired. Not only fired once but fired twice.
    
Anita:
Share that story with us.

Ashley:
Let’s just open up the gates. So I have a lengthy career in medical device sales, and medical device sales is a numbers game. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you are, at the end of the day, you were a number. And if you don’t deliver upon your numbers, you’re out. So I was a part of this organization and just doing my job like any girl should. I’m a hustler, I needed to make a number. I’ve got three kids I gotta provide for, so I got to make ends meet, and I gotta meet that number. And I met this, it was in dental implant cells. I met this dentist and he had this robot that could scan my implant and other fancy equipment that no other dentists did. And so I had to go talk to his lab guy and tell him that, hey, I know you don’t have the software to process this, but I’ve got a lab guy down in Savannah that could give it a whirl and try it out, and if you don’t mind, let’s give it a try. And if the doctor likes it, then we can sell you some software and you can get it too and do it. I’m really excited about doing my job because I had found the man who could help me make my number. A week goes by and a phone rings, and it’s the lab guy that I was talking to who didn’t have the software, and he is a very well-known lab guy in the region I was working in. And he said, is this Ashley? And I said yes, it is. And he said, I don’t know who you think you are coming in and telling me that you’re going to take my business elsewhere, but if you think you can fuck with me, I will fuck you up more than you will ever know. And then he hung up. I don’t use that swear word. I don’t, but that’s what his words were for me that day. And I was like, whoa, what just happened? And let me tell you, friend, he unraveled such chaos in my life, turned every single person against me, it was a very good old boy system working against me. And I ended up getting fired because I could not produce the number, he turned everybody against me. It was awful. I’m one of those people, Enneagram seven, I’m a people pleaser. I want everybody to love me and I wanna love everybody too. And when that doesn’t happen, oh, my feelings were hurt really bad. Little did I know, with every hardship you face, God is molding and making you into the person you’re meant to become. And he was like, I got you. I got you. Onward we go. So I find another medical device company. I’m in the OR this time doing surgeries and all that good stuff. This company, this particular company did not provide maternity leave. They didn’t. They didn’t offer maternity leave, which is funny this day and age for a billion-dollar organization, especially when your goal is to take care of patients, but yet they don’t take care of their own. Oh well, no worries, I am a hustler. I’m gonna make money. So it’s fine. I don’t need your maternity package. I know exactly how long I can take off because I know exactly how much I earned. And again, top salesperson. I was Rookie of the Year and the company that I got fired from before he turned against me. That’s okay, I know I’m a hustler. I know I can make that number in this company. I’m having my third child at this point. And I know that I can afford to take off eight weeks based on the bonus and commission that I earned. And I hustled sister, I have to make this amount so I could take eight weeks off to be with my last baby. Well, the company says, I’m sorry, but you didn’t submit your information into the computer properly, so we’re withholding your paycheck until you get back from maternity leave. And I was like… you’re doing what? What’s not input to the computer? Well, you didn’t do it in the format that we’d like. And I’m like, well, manager, can you please make sure that that’s taken care of on the back end because I’m on maternity leave? You know how much I’ve earned. It’s very much legit. I earned this money. Can you please make that? No, no, no, no, we can’t do that. They lock you out of the computer because you know, having a baby… screw vacation. And I’m so sorry, but I raised Holy hell when I got back. I was that person that was like, Listen, if you want to keep childbearing, hard-working, you know, producing women within this organization, then you needed a maternity package. You need to take care of yours if you want us to take care of others. They didn’t like that. You know, feedback is come bring me feedback. My door is always open. When you bring that feedback, it’s like BAM. That door is closed, I didn’t like that feedback! So I got fired again, and then I found myself in probably the lowest of my lows here. I was a hard-working person who delivered what I was supposed to deliver, yet I’m going to work on getting government funding because I cannot find employment setting appointments. And that was probably the lowest of the low in my life, and I was struggling so hard with this. But I will tell you, Anita, the one thing about a medical device that is really good is that they forced you to do personal and professional development. And while I was there, I took a course called Own the Room, which is a communications organization that helps you to have a more memorable presence and helps you to learn how to engage the audience. And when I took that course, I was like, wow, that’s really cool. I really love what she said, I want to do that one day, I want to do that. And they didn’t have any openings when we were living in South Carolina. So when we decided to move to Seattle, Washington, I reached back out and I was like, Hey, I’m in Seattle now. Do you guys have any positions that Own the Room within Seattle? And they were like, actually, we did. So I pivoted, and I sent them a video and they hired me, which gave me the experience to train lead executives from large organizations like LinkedIn, Facebook Marketplace, Google, Delta Airlines, several more that I got to experience what it means to give somebody the gift of effective communication. That was the point in life where I was like, I’m onto something here. I really like doing this.
    
Anita:
Yes. Yes, girl. So let’s go back a bit. When you were on maternity leave, and you entered your time, and they bullshitted you out of your time, right? How soon did you have to go back then? Because you couldn’t be off for eight weeks. So how long were you off for maternity leave? 
    
Ashley:
It was about five and a half weeks, then I had to go back. 
    
Anita:
Wow. Five and a half. Goodness, even the military gives you six weeks off. Right? But no, you had to… that was wrong was Was there any way that you could have like, like, sued the company for something like that?
    
Ashley:
This is exactly how society can make you feel so small when you’re working against a billion-dollar company. You’re financially strapped because you need the money that you’re owed. That you’re supposed to be paid. How are you going to afford to find an attorney to battle and pay them? And a lot of times people are not sitting here trying to make notes to file against. It’s right here. It’s all in your head. You’re like, you know, I would love to have a voice in this scenario, but what that is my small voice against this organization.
    
Anita: 
You know, yeah. Yeah, that’s it. That’s just so it’s just so disheartening. And it’s not like… The companies have come a long way, but they’re still not where, like, Europe is, right, in terms of, you know, really looking out for the family and supporting the family. You know, telling you to take more time because you need to be there with your family. One of the things that I find that I was really excited about, was when they started giving paternity leave, right? And not just for three days, right? It’s not, mom just doesn’t need you at home to help her get home from the hospital. She needs help, once the baby comes home. And I think that’s great, not just for the mom, but also for the father because he now has that early bonding time, right? Happy to participate in that. So I’m so sorry that you had to go through with it, but I know that I can just hear and I knew it, I could tell in your energy when we met the first time that you were like, okay, that happened, but I’m gonna fix it. I’m gonna figure out what to do with it. And then you go on, and you get a job at the company, and now you’re training. Once you’re there, how long do you stay there? And what was the catalyst for your leaving?
    
Ashley:
I’m still there. I’m still there. And still with this organization owner, and it’s a 1099 organization. And I love what I get to deliver working with them plus a network and meet a lot of wonderful. I’ve had to reel in the amount of offerings I can accept because I am wearing two hats right now, but still really love, the connections that they have and the opportunities afforded me. So I’ve been there since 2017, took a 2-year hiatus during the pandemic because they were not delivering in-person training, but they were doing more online training. And there were four things that I really noticed with working within this organization. So it gave me a stepping stone to pivot and create something that I always dreamed about, which is owning my own business and crafting that. So the four things I noticed is: one, what we delivered is pure magic. Giving somebody the gift of effectively communicating is like a magic drug. And when you can have that magic drug and give it to other people on a regular basis, it gives them so much joy and happiness. We had a four-year waitlist on LinkedIn to take what we had. That’s how good it was. However, it’s extremely expensive. The learning and development budgets of these large corporations can seem like it’s endless. And they invest a lot in their employees because they can, which is great, but I wanted everybody to have access to this. When you can use your voice, and that’s what I could have done, if I could use my voice effectively and say, this was not right. This is not right. For future people coming up in the childbearing era, they need to be taken care of. Yes, but I didn’t have a voice then, and I didn’t know how to use it effectively. So I wanted everybody to have that sort of magic. Number two, we offer one on one training for these individuals at these major companies, and nine times out of 10, I would be talking with a female, coming to me to learn, I just don’t have the confidence to speak up in front of my colleagues. I just don’t feel like what I have to say is as relevant or as important, and I just get super nervous when I have all eyes on me. When you lift up the hood of those emotions, it’s tied to something so much deeper that I don’t feel comfortable speaking in front of my colleagues, right? It’s tied to a deeper feeling of I just don’t feel good enough. And when you get to the root of that and really understand where that’s coming from, that’s the part that I want to understand. That’s the part where I want to see women really open up and blossom. When you get to the root of that feeling, oh, there’s a lot there to unpack.
    
Anita:
I so agree with you. And this is perfect for, you know, the women that listen to this podcast because, of course, it’s all about being the happy executive woman, and what woman do you know, that can be truly happy if she doesn’t feel seen? If she doesn’t feel heard, right? If she’s been asking for things and then just continues to, she’s disappointed over and over again. And right now we’re talking about like, the training that you’re doing, but this is even in life and in relationships, right? Women don’t realize that they have a voice and their relationships. It all depends on where you look at their background when you started talking to them, when I started coaching them, there are things that come up from their past, either from the childhood or from previous relationships, where at some point along the way, they learned that either their voice was not valuable enough, or that if they use their voice, that no one was going to listen to them anyway. And so they stopped. And so to walk them through that, to help them heal through that, and then to see them blossom is like the most amazing thing. And so I can only imagine working at a company, not just having your own, but working at a company that taught you these skills that truly believed in these things, that then allowed you to create something that you’ve always wanted to do. And all of this grew out of the fact that you got fired twice, and you didn’t feel like you had a voice. And so it’s like, you know, I didn’t feel like I had a voice. Now I want to make sure that other women have their voices. This is amazing. I absolutely love this. Like we were basically virtually high-fiving the first time we talked and now I’m getting more excited even talking about it again. 
    
Ashley:
Yeah, we’re going to talk more about this. I’m going to finish the four things because I want people to know where their purpose lies. Where does it lie? And I’ll tell you a little bit more about that. We’ll uncover that in a second. But as we were talking about, we’ve covered two things that I discovered and own the room. And number three was that we train for one day. We pack plenty of like goodness in one day. It was so good. Like you leave on this high. You’re like, Oh, yes, I know how to engage my audience. I’m going to change up my meetings. It’s going to be great from here on out, and everybody’s excited. And then tomorrow comes. They slipped back into reality. And I just read this statistic. Only 12% of employees apply new skills learned in an L&D program. Only 12%. Listen to this: $359 billion were spent globally on training in an L&D program. $359 billion, and only 12% is actually implemented after learning that, so what kind of investment are we making here? We’re checking a box because we’re supposed to do this, we’re supposed to have all this money, and we’re supposed to invest in our employees, and we’re gonna do that. There’s no implementation and no accountability afterward. That’s another trend that I noticed. And last, but not least, most of these cities that I’m going to coach in these major organizations are struggling with a homeless crisis. So here these organizations are looking to create a new widget to get us together virtually faster, or to get us into outer space or to create this 3D world, but yet, the problem that we’re looking at is right outside their window. Right outside their window. And if I had to put my finger on what that problem is, it’s not a homelessness problem. It’s not a mental health problem. It’s an accountability problem both internally and externally. We have billions of dollars invested in a couple of handful of people that get the privilege of working there. There’s no implementation or accountability, and the same thing, with throwing money at problems with homelessness, we think there’s not enough housing, this, that, and the other, but who’s holding these people accountable for making better decisions for themselves? Nobody. So with those four things in mind, I was like, I have got to create a solution for a problem that I hear people complain about all the time. If the lettuce in your garden doesn’t grow, do you blame the lettuce for not growing?
    
Anita:
No, absolutely not.
    
Ashley:
You look at well, what nurturing does it need? Does it need more sunlight? Does it need more water? Does it need better soil? You don’t say you stupid lettuce? Why are you not growing? You look at your ways to hold them accountable. So here we are. I’m like I got to create a nonprofit to make communication more effective, and more powerful, give people a voice in learning and development, and I want to nurture women in particular because I am a woman. And I can relate to the struggles that they feel when they don’t have a voice or when they don’t feel good enough, strong enough, or brave enough. I want to give them a foundation of what it means to be self-confident, and then I want to blend where this gap is. I want to focus both internally, and major organizations, for people who want to try to climb that corporate ladder. There need to be more women at the leadership table, there’s just not enough. I think we were at 5% of CEOs. There are 5% of CEOs that are female in Fortune 500 companies, which is down slightly from an all-time high of 6% in 2017. So we need to have more women at the leadership table, and they need to feel confident enough to be an effective leaders. But we need to solve a problem with this homeless crisis that we’re experiencing, and we need to give these women a chance too. So I was like, what if we train internally at these organizations, but we don’t partner for a day, we partner for 369, 12 months out of the year, to develop a strong leader with a number one key component every leader should have, and that is empathy. We will take these women, and we will take them outside into their local shelters, to bring women up together. Not to tell them what to do and how to be a good leader, but to share stories of mistakes we’ve made that have turned they were obstacles at one point in our life, but they’ve turned into opportunities. And when we share knee to knee with what that looks like. That’s where we build a foundation of trust and empathy, and then from there, we can give skills advice. It’s a job to somebody that we believe now is wanting to do better. And so that is how M Perfectly, the nonprofit, became and breathed life into it. And it’s something I’m so extremely passionate about and super excited to share with the world.
    
Anita:
Yes, that is amazing. So tell me, when the women that you work with go out into their communities, and they go into the shelters, what is it like for them? Like walking in the door, what were they expecting walking out of the door? You know, how have they changed at the end of their time working with you?
    
Ashley:
You know, who it’s more rewarding for are the women in corporate. You go in there with a corporate mindset, oh, I’m going to teach these women so much. You come out a different woman. I will tell you, I told you, I want everybody to know where their purpose lies, and what I tell everybody, when I speak with them, your greatest purpose for calling in life fall somewhere between your greatest joy and your greatest pain. Somewhere in between there, there’s a calling for you, and only your guests are going to be able to fulfill that calling. For me, I remember being a freshman in college and I was going to do what I did best, shop for a new dress for a social event that I had to go to, and I got stuck behind a school bus. It was September, early September, and there was a little girl in a pink wheelchair getting lowered down to the ground. And she had a balloon on her wheelchair, and her parents were out there and they were clapping. It looked to be maybe her first day of school. And they were all excited, and she was excited and kind of bouncing around her chair, and then I watched this her father tried to carry her wheelchair up a couple of steps that they had to their small, tiny little home. And I thought to myself, I was like, you know, that little girl is only going to grow, and she’s going to get bigger, and those stairs are only going to become more troublesome trying to get her up and down the stairs. But I went about my way, went and got my dress. Two weeks later, I was sitting in church, and that Sunday, I was like Mom, I gotta go back downtown. It’s a different part of town that is where I grew up, but I was like, I gotta go back down there. And she was like, Well, you’re not gonna go by yourself. I’m gonna come with you. And so I knocked on the door, and this lovely woman comes to the door and she was like, looking at me like, Are you lost? No, ma’am. I don’t think I am, do you have a beautiful young lady in a pink wheelchair? And she said, Yes, ma’am. That’s my daughter. And I was like, I saw her the other day. It looked like it was her first day of school, and I saw maybe it was your partner, maybe trying to lift her up the stairs here. She said, Yeah, that’s my husband. And I said, Well, I just was wondering, would it be helpful to have a wheelchair ramp built for you guys? And she fell to the floor and hit her knees and just threw her hands up in the air. She said Lord Jesus, I’ve been praying for this. Oh, you’re such a huge answer to a prayer that we’ve been praying for so long. We haven’t been able to afford it, and my husband’s back is giving out. That was a moment in my life, it was the greatest joy because that family could do nothing but give me gratitude and return. And when somebody gets to experience sitting with a woman who’s struggled and share their same struggles, the same but different, they lift them up because they feel her. That’s what that’s where empathy is, it develops. And when you can empathize with a woman and feel it and grow together, talk about employee retention! Talk about an internal joy that you’re like, I’m gonna show up for work every day. This is what it means to lead with integrity. This is what it means to rise together. And this is what it means to be a follower of our Lord and Savior, who gives and breathes life into it every single day.
    
Anita:
Girl, I was sitting over here, I got chills, as as you tell that story, you know? Being a freshman in college, and seeing this, and just having the heart to go back. And then to make this happen for this family speaks volumes to who you are as an individual and your spirit. And just learning about the story doesn’t surprise me that you ended up creating this nonprofit, because it is definitely needed. There are so many women in corporate that have taken on the corporate persona, right? I have to be tough in order to move up the ranks, I have to squash my emotions or my empathy because I have to get things done. Now there is a time and place for that, but there’s also, I believe that what you’re doing is what I think is so important, which is teaching women how to balance the two, right? You can be a very effective leader, but you can also be an effective leader that is a great mentor, coach, and support system for the women that you manage, or you’re over, and also the women that you’re at the same level with. And it is possible to do both of those things.

Ashley:
100%
    
Anita:
I love it. I absolutely love it. Absolutely love it. So tell me a little bit more, like I’m so excited just about connecting with you and learning about all that you’re doing, hearing your story, and then as we talk about you working with companies on a 369, 12-month basis, how are you providing or do you provide this level of support or some level of support for individual women who are possibly not a part of the companies that you’re working with or partnering with?
    
Ashley:
That’s a great question. Yes, so we have a virtual meetup every Friday, and this is a free space for any woman 18 or older to come to the table, and practice what it means to be self-confident. Self-confident. I believe that self-confidence lives within all of us. Everybody is self-confident. Now, to what extreme that looks like varies. It depends on how much you practice that skill set, to develop it and make it stronger, and to feel self-confident within yourself and your abilities. That takes practice, and so every week, we meet from 9 am to 10 am. Pacific Time, in what’s called our Shine On spotlight. And the first 30 minutes I have a woman share her journey of how she’s overcome a life or business obstacle and turned it into an opportunity. The last 30 minutes are reserved to make sure every single woman’s voice on that platform is heard. Now you might ask me well, Ashley, if you have 100 people on there, how does every woman’s voice get heard? Well, we put everybody in breakout rooms, and you listen to each woman’s voice be heard. No matter what, every woman will speak. We ask the same three questions every single week, but we must keep three C’s in mind. The three C’s are to speak with clarity, speak with conciseness, and speak with confidence. I want every woman to be very competent and ask her what she needs and what she deserves. I mean, Anita, how many times have you heard of a woman beat around the bush to ask for help or to ask for like, you know, like, I really could use a little help because I’m getting ready to move, but you know, I just don’t want to burden anybody. I mean, it’s just like, yeah, the worst thing somebody can say is no, right? Okay, that’s an acceptable answer. Yeah, but no, nope. It is like, yeah, hey, I’m moving, you want to come help? And that it needs to be as clear and concise as that. Whether it’s asking for a raise asking for a new title within a corporate position or just simply asking for help, Period. It needs to be done with competence. So we ask, keeping three C’s in mind, the three questions are: what is working well for you in life for business? Number two, where’s an area of opportunity you have to grow in life or business? And number three, what immediate asks do you have of this community right now that will propel you forward in life or business? 
And we try to keep it in two minutes, per person, and if you don’t ask or answer those questions, keeping the three C’s in mind, I’m going to kindly ask you to do it again. Because I want you to get very clear, very concise. Many times women are thinking and processing out loud, and therefore their answer gets lost somewhere in the muddle of it. And that’s completely common, but instead of like trying to work your way down a rabbit hole, I want you to sit there and pause. Collect your thoughts. Speak clearly, speak concisely, and speak with confidence. And that’s a practice we do every single week that’s free. It’s free every single Friday.
    
Anita:
Wow, that is amazing, and for the listeners, do know that we’re going to have all of the links to where you can connect with Ashley and how you can participate in the Shine On Spotlight on Fridays. And trust me, I will be attending my first one next Friday. I’m excited. I can’t wait to be a fly on the wall and just hear you know, the women work through this. And this is such a safe space. Right? It’s such a safe space. And women really struggle with this. You know, you mentioned the hemming and hawing is what I call it, and then you have the women who are constantly saying, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s like, for what? Right? Don’t apologize for speaking your truth, and don’t apologize for having to ask for something, right? And then also never assume that the other person should know what you want. Whether that is in business, or in relationships, you have to be clear, right? You have to be concise. And you have to speak with confidence. Because the moment you waver, it leaves room for other people to either wiggle out of it, or to make you feel or put you in a position where you feel like it’s just not worth asking, or I just… you know what, I don’t want to bother you. It’s like no.

Ashley:
And it’s so funny how people are I think people fear the answer of being ‘No’. Or they feel as if I ask something that I owe them something in return. Or the last one, I feel burdensome. I feel like I’m putting a burden on them. Those are the three things that make people reluctant to ask for something. If you ask 100 people, how they feel when they can help somebody else, I would say almost all of them say, I love helping people. It makes me feel good inside. But yet we still hold those three lies in our heads which just prevent us from asking for help at all.
    
Anita:
Oh, my goodness. What about the women who will not ask for help, but will give all day long? They like being the person to give to people, but they don’t want to ask anybody for help for themselves. And that leads to overwhelm, right? That leads to burnout, and sometimes that leads to depression. So you have to learn how to ask the questions, you have to learn how to ask for help.
    
Ashley:
And sometimes add a dollar value to that as well. So many people, women, we give away our work, we give away our… yes, give, give, give, give, give away everything until at the end of the day that that emptiness really draws up like I have nothing to show for what I’ve done. It’s okay to tie a dollar value to you and ask! Say, do you mind if I get paid for doing this service? I really am trying to work towards that and I would like to create a business out of this. Again, if you are good at what you do, people will pay millions to receive your gifts.
    
Anita:
Yes, and then there are though you are going to come across those individuals who will happily receive your gifts for free. But when you ask for them to pay or maybe you raise your prices because you recognize your worth, they are just not willing to pay that price. And you know what? That’s okay, too. That’s totally okay too. So getting comfortable with yourself, one, self-confidence, like you said, knowing who you are, knowing your value, knowing what you bring to the table, being okay with people saying no. And recognize that people are not saying no to you. They’re saying no to the offer, or they’re saying no to the ask, not you individually. So learning how to separate those two, it’s a great thing too. So let’s take a minute, Ashley, and share with our listeners your website M Perfectly, and what they can find on the website and the events that you host and the products that you serve, and all that good stuff. What can they find there?
    
Ashley:
M Perfectly is our mission. M Perfectly helps them to let go of the societal standard of perfection, move past fear, and gain access to her most powerful tool, her voice. Our staple program that we offer is called Shine On, Sister. It’s a four-hour-long event, it can be done both in person or virtually, I really prefer to do it in person. I love people, and I love the feeling and the environment when people are there, breathing the same air. But it really focuses on building that foundation of self-competence and what holds you back from taking those next steps out into the Land of Oz. I call it the Land of Oz, because that’s outside of your zone, outside of your comfort zone. And that’s where the magic happens when you’re able to step into that Land of Oz. And so if you think of like a rubber band, our programs stretch you like a rubber band. So imagine I’ve got a rubber band here, and I’m just stretching, stretching, stretching. I stretch a rubber band, as far as I can multiple times. Will it retract back to its same form? No, no, it won’t. That is my goal during every event I do is to stretch you so far, make it so uncomfortable and awkward, that when you leave, you don’t retract back to your natural form. You just take a little bit, you grew, you expanded. Instead of 12% maybe you took 50% of those skills, and you start implementing them and learning from them. And I have a space for you to come every Friday to hold you accountable for practicing those and learning. Then if you’re really willing and you want to join me, I’m always looking for volunteers to go out into the shelters that we’ve partnered with, and experience what it means to lead with empathy. But we have a dance party upfront. We have an hour-long dance party because I want to prepare you physically and mentally for what’s to come throughout the day. But it’s hard. It is hard. Those cute little side-to-side movements that you’re doing. I’m like, oh, those are cute, I like them. Now, I want you to make them 10 times bigger. I want you to scrub the floor with your ass. I want you to get low. I want you to wobble baby, wobble baby! And it’s because when we speak as communicators when we’re nervous, we are small. We are very small, and our feet grow roots, and we stay planted in one spot. But if we’re dancing around, and I’m asking you to do 10 times bigger movements, you’re getting comfortable with taking up space both with your body and your mind. It’s almost a game that we play, but there are no libations to get you warm on the dance floor. It’s eight o’clock in the morning, and we’re getting groovy early. We do that. The next one is called Higher Me. And it’s spelled h-i-g-h-e-r me, but it’s really about playing a game h-i-r-e me. Men are so good if you’re in an interview, and you’re only 70% qualified. They’re like, Oh, yeah, I can. I can do that. Sign me up, I got it. Women are like, you know, I really don’t have that skillset, so I’d be reluctant to speak up on that. So we play a game called I Haven’t, but I Have and we switch it up. And we get very confident in talking about skills that might be similar, so we can land a position that we might not be 100% credentialed for, but we can do it. We can take on that task, and we can do it with confidence. We talked about the five different imposters, and we play Hollywood Impostor Syndrome, where you actually act it out. We guess what kind of imposter is taking a seat at that act. And then we do a little love letter writing. And then we close out with storytelling and the powerful ways in which a story can unravel. We talk about that.
    
Anita:
Wow, this is one day?
    
Ashley:
That is one day. That is our flagship, I guess program, you should say. Yeah, Shine On Sister. Yeah, it is extremely powerful, but that lays the foundation. And we do this both in corporate organizations, and we do them outside in the shelters as well. And every now and again, I will offer one free to the community and it’s their donation space.
    
Anita:
Wow. Yeah. I’m looking at the I looked through this on the website. And it’s just the pictures, right, you can see just the energy in the room. And then you see the focus. And I’m assuming this is the love letter writing section. This looks like like a bunch of fun. Oh, my goodness, that is amazing. That sounds like… to walk into the space and to start the day with a groove session, right? And then I love when you said, you’re teaching the women not only to take up space with their bodies but also with their minds. It’s like, wow, that is powerful right there. And you’re kicking the day off like that right? There are no libations. So you can’t blame it on the alcohol. Can’t blame it on the alcohol. Right? So you’re starting today, just raising the vibration. It’s all about energy. So you’re raising that vibration, and then you’re, you’re just taking them deeper and deeper into themselves throughout the day, and then you’re ending. I can’t imagine. I can only imagine how many tears are shed?
    
Ashley:
Oh, gosh, it is a big tear fest, it is. It is just like a layer a shed. You walk out expanded in so many different ways. And it’s such a beautiful feeling when you just spend time on yourself and nurture the needs that your heart’s been longing for because this is the hardest sell, Anita, like… When I tried to get people to come to this time… I don’t have time. I don’t have time. How many women say they don’t have time for themselves? How many just don’t have time for that. My kids need me, my husband needs me. Girl! It’s one-day out of 365 where you can invest in yourself and your heart callings and everything, and when you come back, your husband will be so grateful for that. You’ve just spent time nurturing your needs for once . Girlfriend’s, you are so deserving of that time. You are so deserving and worthy! 
    
Anita:
Tell them, tell them. I want you guys to hear that again. Did you hear what Ashley said?
    
Ashley:
Say it out loud: I am worthy! I am worthy!
    
Anita:
That is amazing. Oh my goodness, Ashley, I am so, so excited for our listeners to get to hear this. And if you’re listening to this podcast, and you’re coming towards the end, and you happen to find your way here, I really want you to look at the links in the show notes I’m going to share with you. The website address is the letter M Perfectly. So it’s mperfectly.org. And you want to go there, you want to look at what Ashley is, you know what she’s doing. Now, tell me, are you the only person in this organization, or do you have partners? How many people are, you know, flying out with you to the different organizations? Tell me about the organization M Perfectly itself.
    
Ashley:
So I could not do this on my own the least little bit. The credit is all due to my incredibly talented, brilliant, supportive board of directors. They are amazing. I have eight women, they are spread across the country, and they keep me grounded. I’m a creative, and so I’ve got things flooding my mind coming at me a million miles a minute. And I’m like, well, oh, I got this idea! What about that one? They’re lik, Ash… One thing at a time. Let’s hone this in. So they have helped me build this organization from the ground up. I have pictures on my phone starting from when we had a bottle of champagne and we wrote the mission of what this organization will look like. And while it’s evolved, the core, and the roots, and the values of this organization have remained. You know, I’ve got to tell you this one story too. When I was born, Anita, I was born with severe hyperglycemia. And I had major pancreatic surgery at three months old. I was one of four survivors in the United States. Four survivors, because they did not have this kind of disease, and they did not know what they were doing. They removed 90% of my pancreas. You know, the pancreas is like… it’s an organ, you gotta have it, right, and people who get pancreatic cancer are gone quick because it’s such an important organ in our body, but I had 90% of my pancreas removed. I’ve lived with this huge scar on my stomach my entire life which people tease me growing up, but it also built strength and character. I didn’t know and I didn’t like it then. I remember growing up and just being like, Why? Why do I have to be the girl that looks like she has two belly buttons or a permanent fat roll on a stick figure? These are things that people said to me that hurt my heart, my heart. And when I was at the bottom, and I had been fired twice, and I was just crying out to God, oh my god, what is it that you want me to do? What is my purpose? Where am I supposed to be in this life? How am I supposed to fulfill your wishes for me? He was like, you know, Ash, I left it, a scar and a mark on your belly. I know you’d be hard-headed. And you’d be hard to listen and get your attention. But I left a mark on you because you too will leave your mark on this world in the best way possible. I have this scar on my stomach, it is my second chance at life. And he said, give people life. Give people life as I have given you. And I was like well, God. You know, I wake up in the morning sometimes and still see -$22 in the bank account when it comes to the nonprofit. How am I supposed to make this nonprofit profitable and keep going? He was like, define success. And I said what? I can’t do that, only you can. What does that look like? Love my people. Love my people. That is your definition of success, and that has been my value for this organization from day one. Love my people. You will be successful if you love my people. And even every day, I make that decision to love my people. My board loves me. I love my people, and he brings me more people to love. And I will leave my mark on this world by giving them the gift of life and a voice to live with courage and confidence.
    
Anita:
That is beautiful. That is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing, oh my goodness. Three, I can’t imagine three months, three months, and having only… so you’ve been functioning all these years with only 10% of your pancreas.
    
Ashley:
Supposedly the pancreas can regenerate, but we don’t know how much it does. The pancreas is beta cells and alpha cells, and in the early 80s, they didn’t know how much they were taken or which cells they were taken, and how it was produced. They assumed that would be a diabetic by the time I was an early teenager because the insulin production would no longer be able to keep up, but so far so good. I’m still a healthy little, little girl.
    
Anita:
There you go. Well, look at God. Right. Yeah, you’re on a mission. So yeah, amazing. Well, actually, it has been so wonderful having you here on the podcast, I’m so grateful to Alysha for introducing us, and I now have another phenomenal woman to add to the club.
    
Ashley:
Ditto, sister! 
    
Anita:
So grateful to have you here. So do me a favor and let everyone know, as we wrap up how they can get in touch with you, where they can find you on social media, anything that you have coming up that we can support you on. Yeah, so just go ahead and share with our listeners.
    
Ashley:
Thank you! If you have an organization where you’re looking for a partnered learning and development program that is not just one day, but for 369, 12 months, where you’re going to make an impact not only internally, but externally as well, I’d love to get in touch with you. If you are a woman who just wants accountability to build your self-confidence, join us free every Friday for our Shine On spotlights. It is an Eventbrite link, which you will have to denote in this organization, or you can visit our website and sign up that way as well, which is www.mperfectly.org. Visit us there, and if you feel ever so kind to make a donation to the organization just because you believe in the mission and what we’re doing, I’d be ever so grateful. There’s no amount too big or too small, every bit is very much appreciated. But thank you so much for being a listener. Most importantly take from this that you are worthy of love and time, and communication is a great tool when you can use it effectively. And give a little magic back into this world. It’s pretty powerful.
    
Anita:
Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much and everything that Ashley just shared with you we are going to have in the show notes. So if you happen to be listening now and driving, make sure that you click on that link to go to the show notes to get all of Ashley’s contact information. Join us on a Friday for a wonderful opportunity to learn how to speak your truth, and to stand in your truth, and how to share that with others. I am Anita Charlot, your host ,and this has been another episode of candid conversations with phenomenal women. See you in the next episode!